Finding the Way by Moonlight
by annieca
Summary: Part 1 complete, Part 2 on hiatus. His nighttime brooding worried her. What had started out as a mission to help lighten Sirius' burden turned into a life-changing experience for Hermione as she learned to share her own burdens and maybe, just maybe, give her heart away. A Sirius/Hermione fic
1. Chapter 1

9

**Author's Note: Welcome all! I've been working off and on on this story for the past year or so. Enjoy the story and feel free to leave a review! ~ Ann**

**Chapter 1:**

_A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~ Oscar Wilde_

She loved the way his hair fell in his face and the way he scrunched up his face when deep in thought. It was something Hermione doubted that he did frequently until she got to know him. And then, she noticed him constantly leaving the real world and going to whatever world he went.

The first time she caught Sirius zoning out was her fifth year when they were worrying over Mr. Weasley's stay in St. Mungo's. Everyone had since gone to bed, leaving Sirius alone in the living room. That's where Hermione found him when she went downstairs at two.

"Sirius?"

The older man jumped, turning his head in her direction. "Do you need something?"

"I wanted a glass of water," Hermione said, walking towards him. He looked exhausted. "Why aren't you asleep?" Instead of going to the kitchen where she knew the glasses were, she sat down next to him.

"I don't really sleep anymore." His gaze going back to the fire. "Especially being in my parent's house."

"We could renovate – spruce it up. I've just learned some good painting spells," Hermione offered. Sirius nodded, though Hermione had the slightest feeling that he wasn't paying attention. "Are you sure you're okay?" She stopped walking just behind his chair. There was a chance she could take, but she wasn't sure if she should.

"Can I ask you something, Sirius?"

"Sure."

"Can I give you a shoulder massage?"

He turned his head to look at her, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Why?"

"It was something my mother always did when I couldn't sleep. It might help." She put her hands on his shoulders and began the rhythmic kneading on muscles that felt as if they were stretched to the utmost limit. At first, Hermione could feel Sirius resisting but the more she worked at his shoulders, the more he began to relax, dropping his shoulders and his head. When she finished, Sirius lifted his head and offered her a smile.

"Thanks, Hermione." He rolled his shoulders, as if they were testing them out again. "They feel really good."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Hermione I can't..."

"Can't or won't?"

"Didn't you come down to get a glass of water?"

And the guards which Hermione had seen starting to crack, went up again immediately. "I'm sorry. If you show me where the glasses are, I'll get my water and go away."

There was a moment's pause before Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I just don't feel like talking tonight."

Hermione nodded. "I understand. I'm here if you need me."

Sirius nodded and stood up. "The glasses are just above the sink, second shelf. If you don't mind, I need to get some things done."

Hermione got her glass of water and returned to find Sirius sitting in front of the fire again.

"Good night Sirius."

He didn't even acknowledge her, once again lost in thought. She climbed upstairs and laid in bed for awhile, listening to Ginny's gentle breathing before she too, was claimed by sleep.

A week had passed and Hermione had found an excuse every night to sneak downstairs and see if Sirius was awake, lost in thought in front of the fire. He was every night. By the eighth night, Hermione was tired of watching him stare at the fire. She changed into her comfiest clothes and went downstairs.

"Sirius?"

Again, with the jumping. "Hermione?"

"I thought I would come and sit with you."

"You should sleep."

"So should you."

"Touche," Sirius said, scooting over on the sofa for room for her to sit. "Am I that obvious that I'm not sleeping?"

"No."

"You're lying."

Hermione shrugged. "Yes, I am. You have darker circles than normal and your hair is longer now – Lupin said you always kept it short in good times – and for the past week I've been coming down here and you've been staring into that fire."

"Are you checking up on me?" He asked, half amused, half concerned.

"Someone has to worry about you."

"And you think that person needs to be you?"

"Who else is going to do it with Mr. Weasley in St. Mungo's and everyone worrying over Harry?"

"You shouldn't put that burden on yourself."

"And I shouldn't have to be fighting for my life because I'm friends with an orphan. It happens."

Sirius frowned, eyes back on the fire. "There's not a day when I don't regret not taking Harry with me when I first discovered James and Lily..."

"But Dumbledore had a plan," Hermione began.

"And you think that was the right one?" Sirius answered quickly, his tone almost a bark.

It was Hermione's turn to sigh. "I don't think it's right for me to judge." Of course, that really wasn't Hermione's opinion but it was nearing three in the morning and she wasn't up for a fight.

"I think you're lying."

Hermione threw her hands up in the air. "Fine, yes I am. I think Dumbledore's plan was not the right one, so I agree with you there. But he had good intentions and..."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "And I didn't?"

Another sigh, "Sirius, I don't want to argue with you. But Mrs. Weasley's right – Harry is not James."

Sirius' head snapped up, looking towards Hermione with a glare. "Why does everyone think I think that he's James?"

"Because you... you are a... what my mother would call a broken man. You've lost everything. And now, now you have the opportunity to have at least a little of the fun that you had with your friends back at Hogwarts. And that opportunity comes wrapped in a bow around Harry."

Sirius snorted. "You know, you never fully answered my question."

"What was that?"

"What do you think the best thing would have been for Harry?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Take a time turner and reverse everything that happened leading up to that Halloween."

"McGonagall would kill you."

"You wanted honesty. But as for plausibility... I think Harry should have gone with you. But, with the care of someone else – Lupin maybe. Who knows? But he shouldn't have gone with the Dursley's and he shouldn't have gone with you alone."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Do you think me not capable of raising a child?"

Hermione stood up, picking up a pillow to hold close to her chest. "Why are you so defensive?"

"When did you get so knowledgeable about what is best for Harry?" Sirius snapped back.

"I've been around! I've been friends with him since his first year. I've been there!"

"And now it comes out."

"Sirius Black you are an infuriating man," Hermione retorted, stamping her foot on the ground.

"Not nearly as infuriating as you are."

Hermione threw the pillow at him, watching as it barely hit his arm. "I'm going to bed." As she started up the stairs she heard the faintest of voices. She turned to see Sirius looking up at her, holding the pillow she had thrown at him.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

It was breakfast a few days later when someone started to catch on. "Hermione?" Harry asked, scooping some eggs onto his plate. It was the last day they were staying at Grimmauld Place before going back to Hogwarts for the spring session. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Harry. Just a little tired." She glanced at Sirius who gave a glance back before going back to the stove to load more bacon onto a plate.

"Ginny said you haven't been going to bed lately. What have you been doing?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm fine Harry."

"Are you sure?"

Sirius turned back to face the table. "She's been staying up with me, keeping me company."

Harry's eyes widened. "What?"

Hermione blushed, "It's not like that Harry."

"Why are you staying up then?"

Hermione didn't answer, looking to Sirius, pleading him to answer this uncomfortable situation for her.

"Hermione has been worrying about me. She and I argue constantly so it keeps me from..." Sirius paused, uneasily.

"Staring into the abyss. Or getting major wrinkles from scrunching his face up so much."

"Do I really do that?" Sirius asked, chuckling.

Hermione looked up at him, relieved that the tension had broken. "Yes, you do."

"I never noticed that."

When Hermione noticed Harry staring at the two of them, mouth still gaping she laughed. "What Harry?"

"I just... you two look so... comfortable together."

"Oh shut up." Sirius said, cuffing Harry on the head. "We're not together."

"Yeah, but you could be. I mean, you look... _happy_."

"Seriously, Harry, calm down. We're not together and I doubt we ever will be," Hermione said quickly, without thinking.

Harry just shrugged and shoveled down the last of his eggs. "Whatever makes you two happy. Just... be forewarned Sirius that Hermione's got a wicked punch."

Sirius frowned before smirking. "If it's anything like her pillow tossing abilities I think I'll be safe."

"You were a moving target!"

"I highly doubt you'd be able to beat me in a pillow fight."

"We'll just have to wait and see." Sirius raised an eyebrow at Hermione's comment and smirked. They would just have to wait and see.

The first night back at Hogwarts was a busy one for all. It seemed that everyone wanted to catch up with what had happened over the holidays and the local gossip that always floated through the Daily Prophet and through the hall of Hogwarts.

Hermione found herself in good company then, when she stayed up nearly all night. By the time she had finally gone to bed, close to four, there were only a few straggling, whispering people left awake.

But, as the nights went on, only the upper year students, and the studious ones at that, would be left in the common room. While Hermione found this time to be lonely (and she was no stranger to waking up early to perfect or add to an essay)and her most productive, she was also amazed at how quickly she had changed her body's clock to staying up most of the night and sleeping into the last moment possible in the morning. She knew that this would be a problem when classes really picked up again but for now, she put the time to good use. She got ahead in her classes and began to write letters.

_Dear Snuffles ~_

_ You have done a very wicked thing by staying up all night. Now, instead of going to bed at a decent time and waking up early, I'm staying up nearly all night and then going to bed then. Shame on you!_

_ I miss our conversations, even if we did nothing but argue. It's lonely staying up all night and homework can only last so long. I realized that there are only so many times I can rewrite my essays for Professor Snape before there is no point in revising them._

_ I was wondering what you were up to. Are you still lost in thoughts, staring into a fire that doesn't offer any consolations?_

_ H has been having dream's again. R says that they wake him up at night – he thrashes in his bed and occasionally calls out. Of course, you know H won't tell you that._

_ Until our next letter,_

_ HJG_

Hermione knew she would have to wait until later in the morning to post the letter and so, she wrote to her parents and the Weasley's since Molly insisted that she write at least once a month to make sure that everything was going fine since Ron rarely, if ever, wrote letters. Hermione chuckled as she remembered the conversation she had had with Molly.

_"Hermione, can I ask a favor of you?"_

_ "Of course Mrs. Weasley."_

_ "Call me Molly." Hermione had watched as Mrs. Weasley – Molly – had wrung her hands as if the thing she was going to say was going to upset someone or was particularly difficult for her to ask._

_ "What is it Mrs. … Molly?"_

_ "I never had to worry about Bill or Charlie – even if they were up to mischief, they wrote enough that I knew what was going on. And Fred and George, they knew to write every once in awhile. But Ron..."_

_ Hermione was getting the gist of what Molly was saying but Hermione didn't want to interrupt her concentration on getting what she was thinking out into the air._

_ "Ron never writes. And with things and times as dark as they are and with the Ministry controlling Hogwarts..." she paused and looked up at Hermione. "Will you write to me? Tell me what you and Ron and Harry are up to. It doesn't have to be anything long or complicated. Just... let a mother put aside some of her worrying. Once a month... is that okay?"_

_ Hermione smiled and nodded. "I can do that."_

Once all of Hermione's letters were written she had another dilemma – where and to whom was she going to send her letter to Sirius? With the Ministry opening all of their mail, Hermione had to send it to a person who would see Sirius but would not raise suspicion. It had to be a person who was not a known Order member – instead, someone quiet and discreet. While Hermione had all the confidence in the world of Remus Lupin, she knew communications with him might also be monitored.

Hermione pondered, trying to think of the perfect person. She also needed a person who knew who Snuffles was and she would have an excuse to write. Tonks came to mind, but in the end, she chose Kingsley Shacklebolt. He had the utmost of discretion and she had excuse to write to him – they had met at St. Mungo's one day where they had spoken about Ministry careers. But how to get Kingsley to know that Snuffles meant Sirius?

An idea popped into Hermione's mind and she immediately scribbled it down on the letter, on the flap, _"I forgot to add (after I had sealed this): I wonder, if being an Auror is helped by being an Animagus? And how do we know what form we will take? For example, I've a friend who is a cat but she's not a cat-like woman. Then again, those who turn into dogs are often dog-like."_

It wasn't the most straight-forward of things she could have written but after the first letter she wouldn't need to add anything about Kingsley understanding who Snuffles was.

Hermione addressed it to, "Snuffles, Care of Kingsley Shacklebolt." By the time she had finished that and all of her deliberations, she was exhausted and went to bed for a few hours of sleep before classes the next morning.

She woke just as the sun was beginning to do battle with the red velvet curtains around her bed. It was later than she thought but Hermione knew she would still have time to get ready quickly and visit the owlery before her first class.

She met Ron and Harry in the common room, holding the three letters in her hand, her bag slug across one shoulder.

"What are those?"

"Letters."

"Is one of them to my mum?" Ron asked, his fingers going out to the creamy parchment.

"Yes and no," she said with a gentle slap, "you cannot read it. I promised your mother I would write to her since you obviously don't."

"Who are the other two for?"

"My parents and..." Hermione debated telling the boys the letter was to Sirius – but that would require some explaining. Unfortunately, Harry had seen the name Snuffles and finished the thought for her.

"You're writing to Sirius?"

"Yes," Hermione said, thinking as quickly as she could on her feet. "I wanted to know how he learned to become an Animagus. McGonagall said something about it being a special course in Transfiguration NEWTs."

Both Harry and Ron took her explanation; she was always the person to want to get ahead and someone who wanted to find as many ways to challenge herself as possible. They went down to breakfast and Hermione enjoyed possibly too much bread pudding and fruit. But then, she left early to visit the owlery before the three had Charms class together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! I hadn't thought about Sirius teaching Hermione how to be an Animagus but I'll keep it in mind. Without further ado, the second chapter of **_**Finding the Way by Moonlight **_**~ Ann**

Hermione was surprised to have a response by the end of the day. There were two letters – one wrapped inside the other, the outer one from Kingsley.

_Hermione -_

_ Thanks for the tip. I think it would help with disguising if you want to spy on people. But then again, there are other ways. I think if you're going to try to become an Animagus, first do your research, second, talk to Professor McGonagall and third – know you have no choice in your Animagus form. A dog-like person though, will definitely most likely become a dog._

_ Ask me questions anytime you need to._

_ Kingsley Shacklebolt_

Hermione chuckled. She knew she was going to have to start up an actual conversation with Kingsley to hide the fact that she was writing to Sirius. And if they were opening all mail, then she would have to figure out a way to conceal Sirius' writing. But for now, it didn't look like the ministry was opening her mail to "Kingsley."

_Hermione -_

_ Thanks for the letter. And no, it is not my fault that your clock has changed. You were the one who decided to stay up. It is purely your fault._

_ Thanks for letting me know about H and his dreams. Of course, you are to blame for my sitting in front of the fire, staring into nothingness after I received your letter. I worry about him, but you already know that._

_ I'm tired of being in this house. It's old and dreary and just so... so depressing. I wish I had taken up your offer to redecorate. I don't think the house could stand it though. It hasn't had a girly female touch in, well, forever._

_ Not that I'm saying your a girly girl. Merlin it's obvious I don't write letters to females isn't it? I write to H and RL and that's about it._

_ You would be happy to know that I'm actually going to bed at 4 in the morning._

_ The owl which delivered this letter was very nice – a royal type of bird. I would appreciate if you could use him again._

_ Don't sleep well,_

_ Snuffles_

Hermione was laughing out loud by the end of that letter. It was so obvious that Sirius had no idea what to write so he just wrote whatever he thought of first. It was such a guy's way to write, nothing like the fluid, thought-out way of Hermione's own writing.

Taking out a quill and some scrap parchment, she started to write her reply.

_Snuffles ~_

_ I needed a glass of water! You were pathetically sitting there and I needed a glass of water. It's not my fault you have a way of getting a person worried. Yes, you are worried about H and I am worried about you. You can be reckless, or so I'm told (and have experienced) and yet, very broody. I won't try to psycho-analyze you (oh, but you could so use therapy) but I think that's typical of someone who has experienced so much loss and so much injustice. Life isn't fair Snuffles, is it?_

_ As to your question of redecorating the house, I recommend it. I would start with the "fireplace" room since you spend all your time in there anyway. I'll attach a list of spells and how they work to help you brighten things up. If you have any pictures of J&L that you can part with, can you send them to me? I think it would cheer H up. He's starving for details of them. It's one thing to be an orphan from heroic parents – it's another to know almost nothing about them. He won't admit he wants to know so much about them. No, that much is plainly obvious. But when you've been friends for 5 years, you start to read people better than you read yourself. But I think you already know that. I can only imagine how you could tell when H's dad or R or even Peter was hiding something. It's a blessing and a curse isn't it?_

_ I think you write plenty of letters. I just think that you either a) write them and don't send them or b) write them to males. It's different writing to females. Merlin knows H and R haven't figured that out yet. It reminds me of the Yule Ball last year. But I'm sure H told you all about that. All I'm going to add to that is that I wish I could go back and change everything about that night._

_ Congratulations on getting to bed before 5 in the morning! (Am I suppose to be proud?) I am sure that people think I'm crazy staying up almost all night and then going to class after class. Granted, I am tired. But this is a different kind of tired. I'm used to being tired. This is one of those tired feelings I think my mother would call "emotional tired." It's exhausting trying to keep up with school and making sure H and R behave and don't get into trouble with Umbridge and... Don't tell anyone Snuffles? Everyone thinks I've got it all together and I don't want them to think otherwise. Especially since your cousin's son has stopped trying to make my life a living hell. Either that or I've got a tougher skin. Or a combination of both._

Hermione paused in writing her letter, thinking of what she wanted to add. And before she knew it, she was adding:

_We have a Hogsmeade weekend coming up, for Valentine's Day I imagine. Just, thought I'd let you know._

_ ~ HJG_

Hermione had a feeling that as soon as she had sent the letter that it was a bad idea to mention the Hogsmeade weekend. Sirius would probably want to visit Harry and Hermione wasn't entirely sure that it was safe. But Sirius was a grown man and someone who could make his own decisions. But after... after Cedric's death, Hermione didn't want to see Harry lose anyone even remotely close to him. Of course, it was probably her just being over-protective.

The following weeks were filled with classes and new regulations by Umbridge. But as the Hogsmeade weekend quickly approached, Hermione hadn't heard anything from Sirius. As usual, she worried. But then, an answer came.

_Hermione ~_

_ I've written this letter a few times so it would sound more fluid. Plus, it gave me something to do. I'm not exactly useful to anyone right now._

_ So Hogsmeade is coming up, is it? Do you need a date for Madam Puddifoot's? I am thinking I might visit the village as well._

_ I have started redecorating. It took me awhile to get those spells down – they're definitely more difficult than the standard _Lumos_. I almost ended up painting the wood floors pink instead of the walls a cheery color. I was thinking of a chocolate brown – or an orange. No, orange is a color that J would have chosen. He always had a thing for orange – as it's apparent that H might just have a thing for orange as well. Oh, he doesn't know it yet. But I've met Mr. and Mrs. and it's definitely got to be a family thing._

_ You would have loved them Hermione. They were so caring and so patient with me. But I think you would have found a...what did L call it? A kindred spirit I think, in L. You and her are almost identical, from what I've seen. You would have loved her._

_ Anyway, so the walls are chocolate brown and I was thinking of changing the color of my bedding too. Although, I'm not sure I should be spending so much time fixing up the bedroom when I spend so little time in it. Although, I have been sleeping more. I was so tired the other night that I went to sleep at 8 and woke up at 5. Such a weird experience._

_ So, as for the idea that I need therapy, well, of course I do. It's been a long 15 years. But where can I go to therapy? It's not like I can walk into any old therapy parlor and pour out my soul._

_ I understand what you were saying about being emotionally tired. I'm tired too. But I'm not going to discredit your tiredness and say that I am more tired. Hermione, you never have to think that people are going to think less of you because you are tired and ready to admit it. Nobody can handle everything that life throws at them without help. And you are especially not an exception to that rule. This war – this second war – has taken things from everyone but it has taken so much more out of you. And it's not fair. As you said in your last letter, life isn't fair._

_ I'll go rooting through my room to find some letters and pictures with J and L in them. I'll attach them when I find them._

_ I feel like I need to answer R's accusations that I am reckless. I _was_ reckless. I wouldn't say that I am now. There's a difference between being reckless and being loyal and putting family first. H is family. And I would do absolutely everything in my power to save and help him. Do you think that's reckless? I certainly don't._

_ And you know, battling Snape's logic is way more reckless than anything I would do now that I'm older. I still don't understand how you did that. His logical thoughts never seemed logical to me. I would not say that age brings wisdom. Some people are already wise beyond their years – just like you and R. But I would say that experience brings wisdom, or maybe, it brings a quiet sort of confidence. Having spent 12 years on that island, I can say that it tempered me. I am still that... that man I used to be, but toned down._

_ But I'm babbling._

_ ~ Snuffles_

Hermione was quick to answer Sirius' letter this time, perhaps inwardly trying to show Sirius never to take that long to answer another letter.

_Snuffles -_

_ No, you can't go to therapy at the usual therapy parlor. And neither can I. But we can be each other's therapists. I don't know a whole lot about psychology but just talking (or in this case writing) things can help. That much I know._

_ And now it's time for me to answer your questions about you being reckless. As a Gryffindor, we both are reckless. And yes, going against Professor Snape's logic probably was reckless. But I don't go barreling into anything. My thoughts may be reckless but I know how to be calm in the same way. I suppose that isn't helping much for securing your ideas is it? I would say that true loyalty comes with a lot of recklessness. You will do just about anything to protect the person you love and that means you do some stupid things. Yes, I think you are reckless. But I think you are reckless in that you help people and damned be the consequences. I've never met a person like that before and it's an interesting experience._

_ Enough about Professor Snape and who is the crazier Gryffindor. That's an argument I think neither of us can win. It's like that pillow fight that we have to actually have. I doubt that either of us are going to give up._

_ Snuffles (imagine me saying your whole name), are you making fun of me? I could have a date to Madam Puddifoot's if I wanted to. But, I don't want to – Madam Puddifoot's is one of those places for sappy ridiculous people who don't know their head from their heart. I hate people like that._

Hermione paused, thinking of it that was true. Was it true that she could get a date if she wanted? And if Hermione wasn't being honest with herself and to Sirius, how could she expect him to honest with her?

_Okay, to be honest, I probably can't get a date to Hogsmeade if I wanted. For some reason guys don't like my bookish nature._

_ Now, you were saying that you were thinking of visiting Hogsmeade. I am not going to try to stop you. That's fairly impossible. But, I want you to be careful. Please? If not for me, then for H._

_ I wish I had met them – J and L and Mr. and Mrs. I haven't heard many stories but from what I've heard, they were, you all were, amazing people. I don't know if I would have the courage that you all, especially J and L, had._

_ Stay safe,_

_ ~ Hermione_

Hermione exited the owlery deep in thought. So deep in thought, in fact, that she didn't see Harry and Ron come up to her and ran right into them.

"Ouch, Hermione?" Harry asked.

"What?" Hermione said, looking up.

"Are you okay? You looked like you were lost there for a minute."

Hermione shook her head, perhaps to clear the fuzziness of being awoken from deep thought. It took her a moment and then: "Snuffles is coming to visit us in Hogsmeade."

"Snuffles as in, Snuffles?" Ron asked, quite stupidly.

"Yes Ron, Snuffles as in Snuffles."

"How did you manage that one?" Harry asked.

"I mentioned it in one of my letters and he said that he would be paying the village a visit. I imagine, well, he's not stupid enough to go in human form so we'll have to look for the shaggy dog again."

"You're still writing to him?" Ron asked. Hermione sensed some surprise in his voice. "I would think that you would have plenty of information about becoming an Animagus by now."

"I do. We're talking about the war now. Oh, Harry," Hermione said, pulling a packet of papers from her bag, "here. This is from Snuffles. It's some things he found when he was cleaning and redecorating."

"Redecorating?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow as he accepted the papers with bits of photos sticking out.

"I convinced him that if he's going to be stuck in that house without being able to get out..."

"But he is getting out, he's coming to Hogsmeade." Ron interrupted. Hermione shushed him with a look and continued.

"As I was saying, if he's going to be stuck in that house then he might as well make it livable. He's starting with his bedroom I think. He said something about painting it chocolate brown instead of dark grey silk."

"How do you know what color his bedroom is?" Ron continued. Hermione got the idea that he was suspicious and didn't understand why.

"He told me."

"It sounds like you've become very buddy-buddy lately."

"Ron, we're both insomniacs. Nothing more than that."

"Okay, well... we're going to be late to Transfiguration. We just came up here to get you."

Hermione sighed and shook her head. "So, should I tell Snuffles that you two want to see him?"

Harry's mouth gaped open before he quickly shut it. "Yes, we want to see him. I'll see if I can get the house elves to make some of that amazing treacle tart to take to him."

"Always thinking about your stomach?"

"Always," Harry said with a smile.

**A/N: Review if you have any suggestions, comments or anything of the like! ~ Ann**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I apologize for the delay! I'm starting my graduate school programs and I've been doing orientations the past few days. So without further ado, here is Chapter 3!**

Saturday came quickly – more quickly than Hermione was expecting. It was cold but a sunny day when Hermione woke up. She watched with amused interest as the girl's in her dormitory ran around, quite like beings without heads, trying to figure out what to wear and how to do their makeup. She knew she had to get out of bed sometime, but the covers were warm and she was having too much fun laughing at the girls.

Finally, Hermione dragged herself out of bed and dressed warmly – in a thick deep purple sweater and jeans before pulling on thick socks and her favorite brown boots – before going down to breakfast with Ron and Harry to fill up on oatmeal and pumpkin juice.

"I'm going to go straight to the edge of the village with the basket from the elves. It would look weird for us to be walking around Hogsmeade with a picnic basket," Hermione said as Ron and Harry shoveled yet more food into their mouths.

"Do you want us to get anything from Honeydukes for you?"

"Could you get me some of the Deluxe Sugar Quills and Pumpkin Fizz? I'll give you the money ahead of time if you want."

They agreed to meet in the cave at two to meet with Sirius so they could have a good two hours with him before they needed to start heading back to Hogwarts. And so, with everything figured out, they started down the hills to Hogsmeade.

Harry and Ron left Hermione once they reached Honeydukes, leaving Hermione to find the shaggy black dog she would recognize instantly. Barking alerted her to him before she saw him. Hermione smiled when she saw the huge dog wagging his tail, pink tongue out to the side. She walked up to him, scratching behind his ears before following him up the rocky cliff side to the cave where they had met during their fourth year.

Once in the safety of the cave, Sirius transformed. He looked happier than when Hermione had last left him. His hair was clean, cut shorter than she had seen it previously. But the biggest change was his eyes. While his eyes still looked sunken into his face, they were bright, almost happy. They were still the deepest eyes Hermione had ever seen – as if there was no end to the grey eyes.

"How are you?" Sirius asked just as Hermione asked the same thing.

Hermione chuckled. "I'm good. Still tired and still waiting for Harry and Ron to do their own homework."

Sirius smirked, "That's not going to happen."

"I figured as much. But with OWLs this year, they have to learn things for themselves."

Sirius nodded, looking out of the cave. "Where are they?"

"Harry and Ron?"

"Yes."

"They wanted to visit Honeydukes and I imagine the Quidditch shop before coming to visit you."

"And you didn't?"

"No, well, that, and Harry got you some treacle tart and I got you two pumpkin rolls and I doubt with how busy Honeydukes is, they would want me to be walking around with a picnic basket."

"I'm not much of a fan of treacle tart unless Molly makes it."

"And pumpkin rolls?"

"I don't think I've ever had one. Why don't I try it out while you read my next letter." Sirius pulled out a letter from a pocket and opened up the picnic basket.

"I've always wondered – where do your clothes and everything in your pockets go when you transform?"

"I never really asked. I didn't take the Animagus classes, you know."

"Right," Hermione said, taking the letter from Sirius. She opened it up, breaking the red wax seal and sat down on a rock inside the cave.

_Hermione ~_

_ I don't know this for sure, but I think that Lily wondered the same thing – about finding a date. She didn't want James for the longest time and it was actually, kind of sad to see her all alone which is maybe why James redoubled his efforts._

_ So, back to therapy. I don't want to leave you with my problems. That's not fair. I know we keep reiterating that life isn't fair but this is something that I can change. Something I can control. And since it's one of the very few things that I can control, I'm not going to unload on you._

_ That being said, I won't stop you from telling me everything about your own life. It also keeps me abreast on what is going on with Harry. You know as well as I do that he doesn't write as often as I would like, especially with things going on that they are._

_ Until Saturday,_

_ Sirius Black_

"You know, you have the weirdest way of responding to letters?" Hermione finally said, looking up from the letter.

"How so?" Sirius asked, breaking a piece of the pumpkin roll off before plopping it into his mouth.

"Well, the normal person answers the questions in order. You seem to answer what you want to first and then, realize you have to, or probably should, answer the other ones and so you do. It's haphazard. It makes it hard to predict what you will write about next."

Sirius laughed, sounding much like the dog he had previously been. "I'll answer that. But first, this is amazing. What is it?"

Hermione smiled, glad to find something he liked. "It's a pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting and then it's rolled up. I'm glad you like it. My mum used to make it it but, don't tell her this, but I think the elves' version is better."

Sirius nodded, eating more of the cake. "So, you think I answer letters weird? Hermione, I spent twelve years not being able to write anything when I was in Azkaban. I'm not used to the niceties that society requires when it comes to letter writing."

Hermione watched him as he answered her question that wasn't really a question. There was a way his eyes shifted to the side, away from her's that made her think something wasn't truthful. "I don't think Azkaban has anything to do with this. Harry has read me letters from you before and they all sound perfectly normal, perfectly in the right order."

"Harry isn't asking me questions about therapy," Sirius retorted.

Hermione sighed. "Fine. I'll drop it. So, how have the Order meetings been going?"

Sirius shook his head, putting the cake back into the basket. "Let's wait until Harry and Ron get here. I don't feel like repeating it."

"So... how goes the redecorating?"

"My bedroom is done and I've started cleaning out Regulus' bedroom."

"What was he like?"

"My brother?" Sirius asked, his barkish laugh coming out.

"Yes, your brother."

"He was, a stupid boy who didn't know how to grow up."

Hermione chuckled.

"What?"

"Some would say that you were describing yourself."

Sirius looked at her, head titled slightly down, grey eyes focused on her brown ones. "Is that what you would say?"

The intensity of his gaze made Hermione's breath catch as she tried to answer. "No."

"What do you think?"

"I think no one spends twelve years in prison for a crime they didn't commit without growing up. I think that you still have some of that boyish charm that made you famous at Hogwarts and you can still be a terrible flirt if you want to. But you can be serious. Too serious in fact. So serious that you spend most nights scrunched up in front of the fire, staring."

Sirius walked towards Hermione, sitting down next to her. "You think I can be a flirt?"

Of all the things that she said, he took that one? He leaned closer to her, breath hot on her neck. "I can be a flirt and a tease."

Hermione couldn't breathe. She tried to resist the urge to turn her head in Sirius' direction, although that resistance failed. She was staring up into his eyes, unsure of what to do.

Thankfully, Ron and Harry chose that exact moment to walk in. "We got your stuff from Honeydukes. And there was a sale at Flourish and Botts..." Harry stopped, seeing the two of them.

Hermione jumped at the sound of his voice and stood up, reaching in the picnic basket for the treacle tart. "Here, you guys eat this. Sirius doesn't like it." She handed it to the two boys, already loaded down with purchases before sitting on the opposite side of the cave from Sirius, the letter clamped tightly in her hand.

Harry looked suspiciously between Hermione and Sirius, one of which was blushing slightly, the other wearing a look of cool indifference. But, seeing nothing totally out of the ordinary, he joined Hermione on the bench-like rock, setting down his bags and beginning on the treacle tart.

"What is the Order up to?" Harry asked in between mouthfuls.

"It's been fairly quiet. Kingsley comes by quiet frequently now to inform me as to how the search efforts go for me," Sirius glanced at Hermione, winking, before turning his attention back to Harry. "More research and more quiet recruiting. That's about it. Of course, Remus is trying his best to persuade the werewolves which is turning out to be a lot more difficult than he was expecting."

"Aren't most of the werewolves aligned with Greyback?"

"Naturally. But there are a few factions in France that aren't. Remus has been making trips as often as he can with his... furry little problem."

The conversation continued until the sun was nearly setting outside of the cave. Ron and Harry said their good-byes and Sirius transformed. But Hermione was waiting until they got down to the main road again to say goodbye.

When they reached the main road, Hermione bent down to the Sirius' dog level and put a hand on top of his head. "We're all each other has. Let's trust each other." She half-whispered before giving the dog a hug and returning to Ron and Harry so they could start the climb back up to Hogwarts.

_Dear Hermione ~_

_ I've been thinking about what you said when that we're all each other has. It surprised me, to be honest. Ever since that day in October, I know I've been alone. But to think that you are alone, that surprised me. You have your parents, friends at school and R and H. I'm sure you even have D behind you if you need him to be. Hearing the professor's talk about you, it makes me think that you have so many more people on your side, with you, friends who will stand by you, more than I do._

_ And granted, I have Remus now. But we're both old men who have so many scars between us and our own separate scars that I'm surprised we even talk. We're still friends, of course. But it's a strained friendship – nothing like it used to be in Hogwarts when we would have fun together sneaking off to the kitchens._

_ I can't burden you with my problems, Hermione. I've told you that before. But I will trust you. You have proven yourself to be extremely trustworthy. I'm surprised that D hasn't made you a part of our group yet. You are certainly intelligent enough._

_ I've stopped cleaning out Reg's bedroom for now. I suppose, I should tell you about Regulus since you never really got the story before I distracted you and then H and R came around. (I'm not apologizing for distracting you though.)_

_ Reg and I got along when I was a child. I think we both just wanted to appease our parents as much as we could. My father and mother were very much Dark Arts supporters and while I knew that was wrong, I had to protect Reg and so that meant not standing up to my parents. At least, at first. But soon, as my elementary education at home included Pureblood ways and anti-Muggle campaigns, I knew I couldn't sit down and shut up anymore. Reg was a weak supporter of my ideas but terrified of standing up to our father. So I did. I was kicked around so much but I had to protect my brother._

_ We loved each other but as soon as I left for Hogwarts, my father stopped beating me and started on Reg, thinking that I was influencing him to go against him. I became a Gryffindor and met J and L and R and P and I was home. I would spend my holidays with J. But Reg was upset. He was upset that I had abandoned him to my parents and their ways._

_ Perhaps if I had thought about it more, I would have tried more to keep in touch and protect him. But I didn't. I was a hot-headed Gryffindor who wanted absolutely nothing to do with my Slytherin roots._

_ So, I suppose, it came as no surprise that when Reg entered Hogwarts, he was sorted into Slytherin and was bitter and refused to speak to me. The rest, well, is history. He got himself killed by a Death Eater I suppose. He never was special enough to be killed by Voldemort himself._

_ But that's the history. Reg was charming, I suppose. Not so much as me but still, charming. He was more serious than I was – a student who had to study more than anyone else, perhaps, and yet, never really got good grades. And once he met his Death Eater friends, his studious and quiet, charming nature left him. He became bitter, withdrawn with a nasty scowl constantly on his face._

_ Did that answer your question? Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention this awhile ago. I don't have a middle name so you can't scold me with my middle name._

_ ~ Snuffles_

Hermione smiled at Sirius' letter. He was being honest with her and that was something she could appreciate. She could understand that this might have been hard for him to write and explain to someone that he barely knew. In fact, he probably hadn't told that story to anyone who hadn't lived it. Did Remus even know the whole story?

_Dear Snuffles ~_

_ I wish you would stop telling me that you don't want to "burden" me. I'm the listening ear for R and H. And if I'm going to burden you with my own ideas and thoughts and problems, then I might as well do the same for you. Let's not think that it's burdening. Let's think of it as just being friends. Isn't that what friends do? They listen to each other and are there when the other needs to vent. Consider it "venting" and not "burdening."_

_ Reg sounds like he could have been worth knowing. Let me rephrase that. Everyone is worth knowing, even if they are a mean person and have done something that makes you distrust them. Even then, they deserve at least some respect. So, let me say that Reg sounds like he could have been someone I would have enjoyed having conversations with._

_ Since you told me about Reg, I only think it fair that I tell you about my childhood. It's not nearly as saddening as yours,but even R and H don't know most of the story._

_ I was born to two dentist parents. I think they loved each other more before they had me. I was a challenge baby for them. I got sick easily and then, they started to think something was wrong with me. I could control things without moving them and for dentists... well, it was definitely surprising. I can't tell you the number of shrinks (psychologists) that I visited as a child, trying to figure out what was going on with me. Maybe they were scared too._

_ But then, I turned eleven (I'm almost a year older than H and R) and I got my letter. Suddenly, the shrink visits stopped. It took my parents about a month before they realized what it meant. Being an only child my parents were protective of me. So the letters flew between Dumbledore and my parents. They wanted to make sure I would be safe at Hogwarts. Once they fully comprehended this and knew that I would be safe, they turned into the super proud parents of a witch._

_ My parents had been trying to have another child to keep me company and since they married and had me young, it still seemed like they could. But with finding out I was a witch, they decided not to have a sibling for me. I think that I was a challenge and a surprise enough for them without adding another child. There was also the question of if the second child would be magical or not. I think they made the best decision but I still get lonely and sometimes I still wish I had a sibling._

_ I don't know if R and H told you this story, but we really weren't friends at the beginning of our first year. It took a mountain troll over Halloween to finally get us together and be friends. So I guess, I now have two surrogate brothers although I often feel like their mother._

_ I think I'm going to end this letter and head off to bed. I'm exhausted tonight (this morning?) for some reason._

_ Until tomorrow,_

_ Hermione_

_**Author's Note: Hi, all! A few clarifications: Hermione will not, for the time being, becoming an Animagus. I've written about 70 pages of this fic and it's not happened so far. That's not to say it isn't. If she does become an Animagus, I honestly cannot see her becoming a dog. And just because Hermione is a Muggleborn does not mean she would be a "mutt" or so to speak. **_

_**I appreciate comments, reviews, anything to help make the story better!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Author's Note: I realized I never did a disclaimer. So here it is. I don't own Harry Potter. That intellectual property is all J.K. Rowling's.**

Hermione had gotten into the habit of waking up, eating breakfast and then dropping a letter off to Sirius (Kingsley) before classes all day. By the time she had started on her homework, an owl was tapping on the Gryffindor tower window and she would have a letter from Sirius. Most nights it was a challenge to stop herself from ripping the letter open and answering it right away and to finish her homework. But she knew that she had to finish those assignments before she read the letter otherwise nothing would get done and she would not only disappoint her parents but herself and possibly Sirius.

But the more that she and Sirius exchanged letters, the more confused Hermione had become. They were opening up to each other and telling each other things they didn't or haven't told anyone else yet. Sirius had told her about Regulus and she had told him about her family and growing up. Because of these admissions, Hermione didn't know where she stood with Sirius, especially after the teasing scene he had played on her when they were in the cave together. He had been so close that she could barely breathe.

But there were other things she needed to be worrying about. Harry was snippy and Ron, consequently, was also snappy. Hermione had the strongest inkling that this had everything to do with Umbridge. The scars on Harry's hand had reopened and while Hermione gave him Murtlap Essence, nothing seemed to heal the inflamed skin. But the inflamed skin seemed to be only a symptom of a bigger problem. Hermione noticed the ever-darkening circles underneath Harry's eyes and it worried her. So when, on a Friday night, Sirius' most recent letter came, along with a letter from Kingsley, Hermione decided to put her homework away and immediately opened up the letter, reading the letter from Kingsley first.

_Hermione ~_

_ I know that you and Snuffles are making each other happy. You should see the smile on his face when I bring your letters. And while I'm happy to see him happier, and don't really mind sending over letters, I am afraid that people will start to get suspicious. I've taught Snuffles the spells needed so that the letter will reveal it's actual content. I'll write it at the end of the letter. That way, you can send the letters directly to Snuffles and not have to worry about going through me._

_ ~ Kingsley Shacklebolt_

Hermione looked at the spell Kingsley had included, and after saying it a few times, was able to get Sirius' letters to show what it was actually saying.

_Hermione ~_

_ So, I guess K is getting tired of us. Or at least, maybe he's getting tired of being the third wheel. I suppose we have started to get rather chummy. It reminds me of this one friend J and I had before we started hanging out with R and P. He was a great person but he didn't have J and I's sense of humor so it became uncomfortable. We ended up not hanging out anymore. K isn't like that quite. But it's just that we can do things better on our own, without having to drag K along._

_ So, we've gone through our childhoods. Now what?_

_ I will admit that I'm starting to get worried about Remus. He's always been a bit of a recluse - James and I would force him to study with us, perhaps because we couldn't do the homework without him. But now, he's spending more and more time alone. He had been spending some time with my cousin, Tonks, after the meetings but now he's just spending a lot of time alone._

_ I want to go and visit him but somehow I think that I would just be kicked out of his apartment, especially with the moon's phase being what it is. Sometimes I think we should have called him "Moody" instead of "Moony."_

_ Any suggestions?_

_ ~ Snuffles_

_Dear Sirius_

_ Wow, is it nice to write your real name now! _

_ I was thinking about a way that you could come to Hogwarts. I know you've visited before – twice actually – but it would be nice to see you again. I have an idea. The Room of Requirements will supply what you need right? Well, what if I thought that I needed to see you. Would it supply a way to Grimmauld or would you just appear? I'd have to do some research on that._

_ As for Remus, I have a hunch. I am guessing that he and Tonks had a fight and he doesn't want to be around anyone right now. I know he and Tonks were close during the Christmas holiday. But, that's just my guess. You should talk to him – go and see him. But as always, I am going to say be careful. I don't want to lose you._

_ So, now that we've covered childhoods, I suppose it's time to talk about our Hogwarts' years. But there's something else I want to know. What was your best prank – and why?_

_ Yours,_

_ Hermione_

_ Dear Hermione,_

_ You and your research. I would be willing to try it – in my other form of course. A stray dog running around Hogwarts is weird, but less weird than the supposed mass murderer. It'll be the risk that's fun, of course. I would say we could ask Dumbledore about it, but I feel like this is something we shouldn't involve him in._

_ Really? Do you really think that Remus and Tonks like each other? There's a 13 year age gap there. Do you think it would work? Do you think it could work?_

_ As for my best prank... of there are so many. So many. Of course, almost all of them involve Snape._

_ James and I once decided to have a "prank off" in our seventh year. Lily decided to get into it as well, maybe to get back at Snape for calling her a, well, you know that word. Lily performed a spell that washed Snape's hair. It was weird to see it clean. James turned Malfoy's hair into a pink pixie cut. How he got it cut so short, I'm not entirely sure. But it must have only been temporary (the cut) because Malfoy's hair was back to it's usual ridiculous length by the end of the week. The pink though... it took awhile longer to get out._

_ But you asked for my best prank. With Lily's blessing (you have absolutely no idea how hard it was to get that), for Valentine's Day, I had a singing valentine come to Snape when he was just with his group of friends. It was suppose to be a singing valentine from Lily. So when he came to confront Lily about it, he looked so so excited. It was the best thing I think I've ever seen, him being rejected._

_ But while I think that was my best prank, it was also probably my meanest. I reserve a special hatred for Snape but it was also kind of cruel for Lily as well. Oh well. I guess hindsight is always twenty-twenty._

_ So, you want me to be careful for... yourself? Not for Harry or Remus but for yourself? And then you signed your letter "Yours." I think that we're officially friends now aren't we?_

_ Yours,_

_ Sirius_

_Dear Sirius,_

_ You mock me. I care about you and I don't want anything terrible to happen to you. Of course, I don't want to deprive you from having fun. That is just rude. I won't stop you from doing what you want as long as you remember that people (mainly me) worry about you constantly._

_ That prank does sound mean. But from what I can tell, there are some sorts of hatred that cannot be solved no matter how much you might try. Harry and Draco Malfoy are the exact same way it sounds like you, James and Professor Snape were. (Still are?) I think I can forgive you for the transgressions of your youth but honestly, you two are on the same side now. Can't you act like adults?_

_ Honestly, if men would just put aside their childish differences, I think we could avoid most wars and problems within the world._

_ Don't knock the researching. I wouldn't have been able to help Harry defeat Quirrell without my research. Or, he wouldn't have been able to find out where the Chamber of Secrets was. Research has helped me through a lot of our problems. It helped me start S.P.E.W._

_ Yours,_

_ Hermione_

_ Dear Hermione,_

_ I would never mock you! How dare you suggest such a thing. Thank you for looking out for me but letting me do my own thing. That is very like how Mr. and Mrs. Potter treated me – letting me do my own thing while still trying to protect me. They were the best parents I could ask for._

_ At least you're asking for both of us to be adults. I know that Snape will never forgive me for what I did to him. And it would be hard for me to forgive Snape for everything he did. I still haven't forgotten that he got James and Lily killed. There are some things that you can't just change. You can't change our pasts, Hermione. I know you want to. I know you want to go back and make everything be hunky-dory but that's not going to happen._

_ I think the problems with the world are more than just childish differences. Do you honestly think that Voldemort would have not become the world's darkest wizard if he had just put aside the teasing children?_

_ I thank you for your research for helping Harry when I couldn't be there to help. You're much smarter than me anyway. Maybe we can share the parenting of Harry? I will debate you about whether the elves deserve to be free or not. Kreacher – goodness knows he knows too much to be set free. We've had this argument before and I suppose we will have it again._

_ Have you found anything about the Room of Requirements? I highly doubt there's anything in the books in the normal part of the library, if anything at all. You might have to go to the Restricted Section. Borrow James'... Harry's cloak or get some professor you trust to get it for you. I'm sure they would be proud of you for wanting to do extra research._

_ Yours,_

_ Sirius Black_

_Dear Sirius,_

_ The more I hear about about your world, the more I wish I was part of it. It sounds so wonderful. Not that I'm idolizing it, but it sounds so, less scary and more carefree. And Lily sounds like my kindred spirit, if you believe in that. Like my sister, if I ever had a sister._

_ You're angry with me! You think I'm naïve. Well, how dare you. Just because I haven't stood on the front lines of a war yet does not mean I don't understand the world. Did you even stand on the front lines? Was there even a front line in the first war? Don't talk to me about how you can't forgive anyone when your godson forgave you when he thought you were a traitor or how you forgave Remus when you thought he was a spy. No, don't you dare._

_ ~Hermione_

Hermione noticed the letter she had just received had the seal broken. But that didn't make her suspicious. It was easy for letters' seal to come undone in the air – she had had it happen frequently with her parents letters since they didn't use the wax that the wizarding world usually used. What made her suspicious was the large, fat smudges on the paper. Sirius had thin fingers due to his years in Azkaban and he was clean – it was rare for her to find any smudges on the paper. It made her suspicious but she put the thought aside and began to read.

_ Dear Hermione,_

_ I'm sorry for you thinking that I was angry at you. Honestly, I was upset with you for being so idealistic, so optimistic. Not naïve. Never naïve. You are right to say that I never fought on the front lines of the First Wizarding War. Yes, there wasn't even a front line. I could say that I lost two of my best friends (yes, Lily was one of my best friends), one like a brother to me, and other friends, to this war. But that doesn't diminish your pain or the pain that any of you have suffered._

_ But to say that Snape and I can just lay down almost twenty-five years of hatred. It's a deep wound. Maybe we could try but who wants to be the bigger man? Because you know how it goes – the person being the bigger person now looks like the weaker person. It's a twisted world in Sirius-Snape land._

_ I suppose now is time to explain what happened between Snape and I that can probably never be forgiven. Snape was always too smart for his own good. He figured out Remus' furry little problem in... sixth year I think. It was after we had figured out how to transform so we were already helping Remus with his transformations in the Shrieking Shack._

_ Snape threatened to expose Remus as a werewolf and we couldn't have that happening. So, I suggested to Snape that he go to the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack on the night of a full moon. He followed the suggestion and came face to face with Remus, in werewolf form._

_ James transformed from Prongs and stopped Snape from being attacked by Remus. Remus has never forgiven himself and Snape never forgave James for saving his life or me for putting him in that situation._

_ Yours,_

_ Sirius_

_ Sirius -_

_ I think someone is trying to read our letters. The seal was broken and there were smudges all over the paper last letter. I was wondering if there was another way. I did manage to get McGonagall to sign me a slip for a book in the Restricted Section and I've been flipping through it to see if there was anything I could use. I've found that other than the elemental laws of transfiguration (it can't provide food), the Room of Requirements doesn't have any limitations. I think though, since you can't conjure a person, maybe it would conjure a way to you. I'm willing to try it out on Friday if you are._

_ I understand now, how it would be hard for you two to forgive each other. The world I suppose does not just reset itself because I ask. If only it did that. But, while I may understand the mutual loathing between you two, I feel like that whole "be the bigger man means looking like the weaker man" is crap. And that is my honest opinion._

_ Men and their pride. I will never understand why they think that pride is the most important thing for them to hold on to. I would think that their honor would be so much more important than their pride or their vanity either._

_ Be careful._

_ Yours,_

_ Hermione_

Hermione looked anxiously for the next letter but instead, two days later she was greeted by Professor Umbridge in the hallway.

"Miss Granger I need to speak with you."

"May I ask why Professor Umbridge?" Hermione had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that this had something to do with the already opened letter from Sirius. There was a piece of paper clamped, bending underneath the pressure of her hand.

"I wanted to speak with you about your latest essay."

Hermione knew it had absolutely nothing to do with her latest essay in Defense Against the Dark Arts but said nothing. Once they were in her office (the dreadful place that it was), Hermione was poured a cup of tea, turning her back to Hermione.

"Here you are Miss Granger," Umbridge said, handing the cup to Hermione who took it, only faking a sip. "Now, can you tell me who you've been writing to so frequently?"

"My cousin, Adam," Hermione answered, without hesitation. She had a hunch that answering too quickly would make Umbridge suspicious so she tried to remain as calm as possible and kept her mind blank – who knew if she was a Legilimens like Professor Snape?

"I see. And does this Adam... have any nicknames?"

"Snuffles. When he was a kid he always seemed to have a cold and so his parents nicknamed him 'Snuffles' since he was always sniffling and snuffling. The nickname stuck."

"And is Adam a Muggle?"

This seemed to be a tricky question but there was no point in trying to make up yet another story about a cousin having magic just like she did. Anyway, if anyone did look into Hermione's family tree they would see that she, indeed, had a cousin named Adam on her mother's side. "Yes, he is. He's my mother's sister's son."

"I see. And yet, he receives owls?"

Yet another question Hermione wasn't prepared for. "I started sending the owls to my parents and then having them mail them to Adam but then he convinced me that where he lived owls were normal – he does live in a wooded area after all – so I started sending the letters directly to him."

Umbridge nodded, stubby fingers running over the letter with Sirius' scrawling handwriting on the front. "Are you sure you are not writing to someone else? Perhaps someone who the Ministry is currently looking for?"

"And who would that be Professor Umbridge?" Hermione asked sweetly, pretending to take another sip of the tea.

"Remus Lupin, Sirius Black..." Professor Umbridge let her response trail off as to suggest that there were more people Hermione could be writing to that the Ministry would disagree with.

"No, I am writing to my cousin, Adam."

"You may go Miss Granger."

"May I have my letter Professor?"

"Oh, I think not."

_**Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews, follows and favorites! To comment on a few Guests' questions here are the answers:**_

_**Sirius felt it would be easier for her to read the letter than to hash it all out in person. Not to mention he had spent the time to write the letter and so wanted her to read it. You are right in saying that it is easier for Sirius to express his feelings in writing. It's a more personal but also less intimate way of communicating.**_

_**Elizabeth – definitely that's an idea! There will be a bit, coming up in a few chapters, about Hermione "training" - I could potentially include the Animagus aspect there. Sirius' mind was pretty blank at that moment when he leaned into her, but I have a hunch it was less about the age gap and more about wanting to kiss her.**_

_**Finally, Elizabeth again – you hit the nail on the head when you said the flow in letters in Harry versus Sirius. It's like writing to your child versus writing to your best friend.**_

_**I start my graduate school classes tomorrow so the updates might be a bit slow from here on out. I'll definitely try to get a chapter a week out!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Sorry all for the delay! A combination of grad school craziness and a beach vacation has left me with little time. I thank you all for your reviews – especially Elizabeth who always comes up with the most interesting questions. Hopefully this chapter will answer a few of them! **

"Hey, Harry, can I borrow your invisibility cloak tonight?"

Harry looked up, surprised. "What?"

"I want to try something with the Room of Requirements."

"And you have to try that at night?"

"Yes."

"Does this have anything to do with Sirius?"

Hermione's smile faltered. "A little."

"Hermione, be careful."

"I will. But can I borrow your cloak?"

"Do you know what you're doing?" Harry asked, closing the book in front of him. Hermione was touched that he cared so much but this was something she had to do, even if it was dangerous and she still wasn't entirely sure if it would work or not.

"I don't know. But I have to try. Harry, it's really important to me and to Sirius to try this."

"Okay."

With that, Hermione set to finish her homework before taking the cloak and sneaking off to the Room of Requirements.

Once she reached the portrait she walked back and forth, three times. _I need a safe place to meet Sirius where no one can get in. I need a safe place to meet Sirius where no one can get in. I need a safe place to meet Sirius where no one can get in. I need a safe place to meet Sirius where no one can get in._

The door appeared. Hermione, with a shaky breath, opened it. Sirius wasn't in there. There wasn't a door either. Hermione was disappointed but she looked around the room anyway. She wasn't going to give up just yet. As she walked around the door, there, on a shelf, was a letter in Sirius' handwriting.

_Hermione ~_

_ You need to be careful more than I do. I can hide – I can transform. You are stuck at Hogwarts where the Ministry is trying to rule. I don't know what I would do if you were hurt because of our letters. So please, Hermione, please, be careful. I don't think the Room of Requirements is going to work. I will ask Dumbledore at our next Order meeting if he can think of anything._

_ Please, stay safe._

_ Always yours,_

_ Sirius_

Hermione sighed. So she couldn't just magically make the Room of Requirements produce Sirius Black. The letter tucked safely in her robes, Hermione set off back to Gryffindor Tower, concealed underneath the invisibility cloak.

When Hermione went to sleep that night she slept fitfully. She tossed and turned and dreamed scary, realistic dreams. When she woke up, she was surprised to find Ginny at the foot of her bed, staring at her with a worried expression.

"Are you okay Hermione?"

"Ginny, what are you doing here?"

"Lavender came and got me. She said you were thrashing and whimpering Sirius' name."

"I was?"

"Hermione, what is going on between you two?"

Hermione sat up and let Ginny sit down on her bed. "We've been writing. And it's been great. I'm able to be myself in those letters. I'm not trying to mother anyone, although I do worry about him. He reminds me, just by talking about stupid stuff like Tonks and Remus, that I don't have to be that person who is constantly in control and constantly looking for the next step to help someone. I can just... _relax_. We're close now. Last night I tried to figure out how he could get into the castle. And then last night, I dreamed of my parents and Sirius. Something is wrong, Ginny. I can just feel it."

"Do you love him?" Ginny asked, shaking Hermione to the reality that to the naked eye and to those who read her letters, that maybe she did look like she loved him.

"I don't know. I don't know if it's more than being exactly who we are and baring our souls to each other as friends. I really don't know Ginny."

That morning, at breakfast, a grim faced Dumbledore approached Hermione. "Miss Granger, may I have a word with you?"

"Yes, of course Professor." Hermione followed Dumbledore to his office where he offered her a chair and his customary lemon drops.

"Is something wrong Professor?"

"I received a letter from an Order member who was in your neighborhood on a tip that there would be an attack."

"Are my parents okay?" Hermione asked, leaning forward in her chair, knuckles white as they gripped the chair.

"No, Hermione, I'm afraid your father isn't. He was attacked with Crucio for quite some time. He's in St. Mungo's right now."

"And my mother?" Hermione almost whispered.

"She's got some cuts and bruises and was knocked unconscious. She's at St. Mungo's too for some observations."

"Can I see them?"

"Naturally. There's a carriage waiting for you as soon as you pack a bag. I've alerted your professors."

Hermione walked, almost numbly, to the Gryffindor tower where she put whatever she could think of in a bag. She didn't know what she had put into her bag because really, she wasn't paying attention to anything but that feeling that she may never see her parents again.

The ride to St. Mungo's was quick and soon Hermione was sitting in her parent's room, holding her father's hand.

She didn't know how long she sat there, holding his hand, eyes trained on his face for any sign of movement. But soon the room grew dark and the Healers turned on a light for her so she wouldn't strain her eyes.

"Hermione?" The voice was quiet, soft, like someone was trying not to disturb her. Still, she jumped.

She turned and saw Sirius, standing there. "What are you... you're suppose?" Her mind was not fully comprehending what was happening. Why was Sirius there?

"Remus said told me what happened. I knew I needed to come see you."

"But it's not safe."

"That's why I'm taking you back to Grimmauld Place. The hospital is no place to stay overnight and you look exhausted."

"I can't... I can't leave them Sirius."

Sirius walked towards her, offering a hand to help her out of the chair. "Remus has instructed the Healer's to let you know as soon as something happens or anything changes. These recoveries are slow and you won't do your parents any good exhausting yourself here."

"You promise me the second the Healer's know something, they will let me know?"

"I promise."

Hermione stood up, stretching her aching muscles and nodded, slowly. She took her bag in her arms, hugging it tightly, perhaps to protect her from whatever was out there.

Sirius led her to the living room. "They're going to be okay Hermione. They're going to be okay." He gently wrapped his arms around her, almost as if she was going to break if he squeezed too tightly.

For some reason, the combination of Sirius' arms wrapped around her, the exhaustion she was feeling and the pure scared feeling she was experiencing, made the wall break. Hermione broke into heavy sobs.

Sirius carefully hugged her and managed to get her to the floor, pulling her close to him and rocking her ever so gently. "Shh... it's going to be okay." Hermione didn't know how long she cried or how long she sat, cradled in Sirius' arms. But somehow, she fell asleep and woke up in a large bed – Sirius' bed. As she sat up, she noticed Sirius, dozing in a chair in the corner. However, he must have sensed that she had woken up because he was soon up, moving toward the bed.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know." It was the only honest answer she could give. She knew better than to lie to Sirius and now certainly wasn't a time to test her lying abilities.

"Do you want some lunch?"

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Wow. Um, Sirius?"

"Yes, Hermione?" Sirius asked, picking up the pillows she had flung to the floor sometime during the night.

"Thanks."

Sirius offered a small smile. "It's what you would have done for me."

"No, that was more than just what a friend would have done."

Sirius shrugged and looked slightly uncomfortable. "It's nothing. Really, don't worry about it, Hermione."

"Is my bag up here?"

"Yeah, it's on top of my dresser."

"Can I use your shower?"

"Sure. You know where it is. I'll make us some lunch while you get ready."

Hermione watched as he left. Something felt different. Something felt... well, Hermione didn't know. But she did know things _were_ different. She had fallen asleep in Sirius' arms and slept in his bed. And now, she was about to take a shower in his shower.

Of course, she tried not to think about that. But when she came out of the shower, clean and smelling like rosemary and mint (so that's what he smelled like) the thoughts of something being different were washed away like the dirt on her body, swirling down the drain. She dressed in clean clothes and started downstairs.

It smelled like fresh fruit in the kitchen. "What are you making?"

Sirius turned around, spatula in hand. He opened his month to speak but then stopped, looking at her.

"What?" Hermione asked, feeling like she was being examined or put on a pedestal to be walked around, as if she was in a magazine.

"You look beautiful," Sirius managed.

Hermione laughed. "I really didn't care what I looked like this morning, but thanks. Now, what are you making?"

"Pancakes and you get a choice of my famous blueberry or raspberry sauces."

"Hmm... what do you put in your blueberry sauce?"

"Blueberries, a little sugar, some nutmeg and a secret ingredient."

"You are quite the homemaker aren't you?" Hermione teased, walking past Sirius to stick a finger in the warm raspberry sauce. Her eyes twinkled as Sirius watched her lick the last remaining traces of raspberry off her finger.

Thankfully, the tension was interrupted by an owl. Hermione forgot all about the fruit sauce and pancakes and ripped the letter open.

_Miss Granger -_

_ Your mother has woken up and your father has stabled._

_ Althea Corning_

_ Healer in Charge of Muggle Cases_

Hermione looked up at Sirius who wordlessly turned off the stove. "The batter will keep."

"Thanks."

Sirius nodded, offering her his arm to Apparate to a private courtyard outside of St. Mungo's. Once there, he let her practically run to her parents room while he changed back into his dog form. He knew that St. Mungo's didn't allow dogs but he didn't want to leave Hermione alone. He knew he was going to have to. It was his life now that he was on the run from the Ministry. It was an unfortunate lie that he was living but it was his life now. What else was he suppose to do?

Hermione left Sirius in the courtyard, running into St. Mungo's and up the four flights of stairs to where her parents' room was. When she burst through the door to her parents' room, a Healer in the typical lime green garb was spooning medicine into her mother's mouth.

"Ah, you must be Miss Granger."

"Are you Ms. Corning?"

"Yes, I'mAlthea, the Healer in charge of your parents case and all Muggle cases."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Well, we don't know exactly, but your mother was hit with a particularly nasty dehydrating spell in addition to Crucio."

"A dehydration spell? Why do that?" Hermione was perplexed – why suck the water out of a person when Crucio would potentially cause just as much pain?

"Dehydrated skin doesn't absorb as much of the shock of Crucio, we think. The muscles can't clench themselves against damage because they aren't plump and filled with water. Not only is the person dehydrated but Crucio will hurt more."

"What are you doing then – to help her?"

"We're giving her liquids – some special potions to help replenish not only the water she lost but the minerals and electrolytes she lost."

"Is she in pain?"

"We think her body was in too much shock from the dehydration and the spells which is why she was unconscious for awhile. Muggle bodies aren't used to spells like our wizarding bodies are. I think she's in some pain but not nearly as much as she was when she was unconscious. Her being awake is a good sign."

"How long will she need to stay here?"

"I'm not entirely sure but I would say at least another week."

Hermione moved over to her father's bed, taking his hand. "And my father?"

Althea hesitated. "He's stabilized."

"Is he going to wake up?"

Althea hesitated again. "We don't know."

Hermione sat down on her father's bed. "Do you know the Longbottoms?" Hermione asked.

"Of course," Althea said.

"Do you think my father will be like them?" Hermione was swallowing a lot of fear to be asking that, trying to understand that no matter what happened, she was going to have to accept it.

"I don't know Miss Granger,"

"Hermione."

"I don't know, Hermione. I think it's a little too early to tell."

Hermione took a shaky breath. "Okay. Can I just sit here for awhile?"

"Of course. You can sit here as long as you'd like."

Once the Healer left, Hermione moved to her mother's bed, as she was starting to wake up. "Mum?"

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Mum, it's me. Do you remember what happened?"

Hermione's mother, Diane, closed her eyes. "They came in the middle of the night. John – your father – woke up just as they hit that creaky step. He knew something was wrong so he told me to hide in the closet. I could just see your father out of the key hole. He fell and started... twitching. It seemed like forever. But then they performed a spell... and I felt something leave my body – like a light. And they found me. And then, I blacked out."

"Oh Mum," Hermione cried, resting her head on her mum's bed.

**Author's Note: Well there you are, chapter 5! Please feel free to leave a comment, suggestion, review, question, any of the sort! If you sign in (hint, hint), I'll be better able to answer your questions. Until next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **_Thanks everyone for the follows, favorites and reviews. I am beyond flattered! Good news, bad news at the bottom author's note. But before that, two things:_

_ 1) Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. They belong to the ever lovely Ms. J.K. Rowling! And 2) Here's the chapter!_

She met Sirius in the courtyard, getting on her knees and hugging the shaggy black dog. Sirius put a paw on her shoulder and managed to wiggle away from her enough to transform.

"Hermione, are you okay? Did you get bad news?"

"They don't know if my dad will ever wake up." She whispered.

He hugged her tightly. "It'll be okay."

Hermione looked up at Sirius, doubt etching her face. "How can you be sure everything will be okay Sirius? You are on the run and have to hide and my parents... my parents are lying in hospital beds in St. Mungo's," her voice began to rise. "They don't know if my father will ever wake up or if he will be like the Longbottoms. My mum had water sucked out of her – she was so dehydrated that it made Crucio even worse for her. My father told my mum to hide but they found her. They found her Sirius!"

Sirius sighed, holding on to Hermione. "I don't know that everything will be okay. I just hope. Because hope is all we have in these dark times."

"I don't know if I can go back to Hogwarts," Hermione admitted, letting go of Sirius. "I don't know if I can spend time away from them."

"Let's take it one day at a time. You can stay at Grimmauld Place with me until they release your mother and then, then you can decide about going back to Hogwarts."

"Will Dumbledore let me do that?"

"I think you're old enough to make your own decisions."

"I don't know Sirius. I thought I was wise and mature for my age. And then I walked into that room on the ward. And all I wanted was my mother and father. It was like I was two years old again and had had a bad dream and was crying out for them but they weren't there to comfort me."

Sirius chuckled. "You'll do what's right for you. I know it. But for now, let's just go back to Grimmauld, have some lunch and you can write a letter to Dumbledore."

"That raspberry sauce did look good."

"Hermione, just... promise me that you won't lick the sauce off your finger again." Sirius said with a groan, standing up.

"I promise."

_Professor Dumbledore ~_

_ My parents are very slowly recovering. My mother will be released, they think, within a week. However, I don't feel that I can attend Hogwarts while they are both in St. Mungo's. I am asking if I can stay around St. Mungo's until at least my mother is released. I am willing to do correspondence with my professors until I return so I don't fall behind._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Hermione Granger_

Hermione didn't expect a reply back quickly. She knew Dumbledore had better things to do than to answer the letter of a grieving, severely distressed teenage witch. As soon as the owl flew out the window, Hermione stood up and went into the kitchen. She was intent of spending the time in between hospital visits doing something useful. But since she didn't have her textbooks, baking – Muggle baking - was the next best thing in her mind.

She rifled through Sirius' cabinets, finding flour, sugar and some other things. But she couldn't find any chocolate or butterscotch chips. "Sirius?" When she didn't hear any response, she called out again. "Sirius?"

Hermione heard a pop and then he was in front of her. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He put his hands on her shoulders, almost pressing down on her, making her feel shorter.

"Do you have any chocolate or butterscotch chips?"

"What?" Sirius asked, incredulously. He dropped his hands from her shoulders, his own shoulders sagging. Hermione could almost hear him exhale.

"Do you have any chocolate or butterscotch chips?"

"You called me down for that?"

Hermione chuckled. "I can't make cookies without them, silly."

"I'll go get them. I have to hide them from Remus – he has a habit of stealing my chocolate."

Sirius walked away, huffing something that sounded like "chocolate!" He returned a moment later, holding a bag of chocolate chips. "You scared me."

Hermione started measuring ingredients, eyes darting between Sirius and the mixing bowl. "I'm sorry. I'm stressed and whenever I am stressed, trying to deal with whatever is going on, I either study (but I don't have my books) or I bake."

Sirius' eyes softened. "I told you, it's going to be okay."

"I sent the letter to Dumbledore. I'm worried about his response so I'm baking. And please, don't stop me from baking. Please?"

"I wouldn't try to. It's like trying to go between Remus and his chocolate. Now there, is a scary sight. And I'm sure Dumbledore will say it's..."

"Okay." She finished for him. "You've said that."

"What is it going to take for you to believe me?"

"Time, Sirius. Give me time."

Sirius nodded and left Hermione to her baking. By the time she got a response from Dumbledore, Sirius was out of flour, sugar and his counter tops, kitchen table and almost every other flat surface, including some places on the floor was covered with some sort of baked good. Sirius had walked in about halfway through, stopping when he saw Hermione covered in flour, cheeks flushed. He opened his mouth to say something, then just shook his head and returned to the library.

Hermione put down the last pan of lemon bars (she had been surprised to find lemons in his cabinets – he had a lot of food that she wasn't expecting him to have), and opened the letter.

_Miss Granger ~_

_ I know, as a student, you would be able to make up your course work that you would miss while caring for your parents at St. Mungo's. However, I have spoken with Professor McGonagall, and she and I have decided it is best for you to return to Hogwarts._

_ You must understand that it is not the best for you – scholastically, mentally or emotionally – to stay, watching your parents and hoping that they will wake up. It is taxing and it will drain your energy to the point where you will have no desire to finish your education. Take it from our combined experiences._

_ For that reason, we request your presence back at Hogwarts on Thursday morning – tomorrow. We will allow you weekend visits to St. Mungo's to visit your parents, who will now have Order protection._

_ We will meet you at Hogwart's gate on Thursday morning and then you will attend your afternoon classes._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Albus Dumbledore_

Hermione closed the letter and, carefully walking around the pans and plates, found Sirius in the library, curled up with a book, a blanket tossed over his legs.

"Did you run out of flour?"

"Yes – but I got Dumbledore's letter," Hermione said.

Sirius put the book down and sat up, looking at Hermione. "Good or bad news?"

Hermione took one step forward, handing Sirius the letter. "You can read it."

"I'd rather you tell me what he said. Come on, sit down. I'll even share my library with you," he teased.

Hermione sat down next to Sirius with a sigh and a plop. "He says I'm to be back at Hogwarts on Thursday morning so I can go to classes on that afternoon."

"That's tomorrow!"

"I know."

"Why?"

"He says that the emotional damage would be too great if I were to stay out of classes. He said to trust his experiences."

"Are you allowed to see your parents at all?"

"On the weekends, although from reading between the lines, I think it was discouraged. Dumbledore did say that my parents are going to get Order protection."

Sirius growled. "They were suppose to have Order protection before this happened."

"What?" Hermione said, turning to Sirius, eyes opening wide.

"Your parents were under Order protection when they were attacked."

"Who was suppose to be protecting them?"

Only then, did Sirius realize he should probably not say anything more about the subject. "Well, then we ought to go to St. Mungo's tonight. Then, you can go to the grocery store for some food and I'll cook dinner."

Hermione shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry I used up all of your flour...and sugar... and well, yeah."

"It's not a problem. Whatever you needed to do to get calmed down." Sirius stood up, offering a hand to Hermione. "How much did you end up making?"

"Six plates of cookies, three pans of brownies, a pan of lemon bars and two cakes."

"Wow, I had that much in my pantry?"

"No – you had enough for some of each and I just increased each of them so I had enough to bake all that."

"So you've got dessert covered – good to know. Is there any meat you don't eat?"

"I'm honestly not a huge fan of ground beef."

"Goose or lamb?"

"Lamb."

"Mmh, this is going to be a really good dinner." Sirius said, licking his lips. "I can already smell it." He paused, "Do you want to change before going to St. Mungo's?"

"Do I look bad?" Hermione asked, looking down at her flour covered clothing.

"No, you look beautiful. But you also look like you've been baking. Why don't you change, I'll make a shopping list and we can go from there."

"It's a plan."

As Hermione changed, she thought about how comfortable she had become with Sirius – how it had almost become like they were living together. Of course, there was still the awkward tension to where Hermione didn't know what to say to some of Sirius' comments, but it seemed, in the moments when it truly mattered, they were one, tension melted.

The visit to St. Mungo's was quiet – Diane was sleeping and Hermione's father was still unconscious. Sirius curled up quietly, still as a dog, in the corner, watching Hermione with his bright, grey eyes. Hermione sat down in a chair in between the two beds. Taking each of their hands, she began to talk to them.

"Mum, Dad, it's me, Hermione. I just... Sirius brought me here to see you one more time before I have to go back to Hogwarts. I wish I could stay here with you two. I wish I could..." Hermione took a shaky breath. "I wish I could be here when you woke up so I could tell you how much I love you both and how I can't live without you. So please, please, please stay strong and safe for me. I... I'll try and come and visit on weekends. But you know how school gets. I'll write a letter every day and make sure you get the best care possible. And Daddy... please," Hermione's voice broke and Sirius raised his head, ready to get up and transform if he needed to. "Daddy, wake up for me. Wake up for Mum. Please, Dad."

With tears in her eyes, Hermione squeezed their hands, stood up and planted a kiss on each of their foreheads. "I love you both." Hermione then joined Sirius to walk out and to the grocery store.

"You shouldn't have come inside with me to the hospital. What is someone recognized you?"

"There aren't many people who know I'm an Animagus," Sirius said, putting two small casserole dishes into the oven, flicking the door closed with his wand.

"Yeah, but I still feel like you would have been safer staying in the courtyard," Hermione said, setting the table.

Sirius sighed, "Every time you walk out of that hospital you are ready to crash to the floor. The least I can do is to be with you to prevent you from falling to pieces without someone there to pick you back up."

"I should be able to pick myself back up," Hermione said.

"You don't have to be strong for everyone, Hermione. You don't have to be strong for me. Just be yourself."

"I don't know if I can stop being strong," Hermione admitted, sitting down.

Sirius knelt down beside her, brushing some stray hair out of her eyes. "You can. Just be yourself."

Hermione locked eyes with Sirius, and for a moment, she thought that he was going to kiss her. But the timer went off and Sirius stood up to get dinner out of the oven. The smell of warm tomato sauce, cheese and lamb was overwhelming as Sirius pulled the dishes from the oven. And since, despite her earlier protest, Sirius hadn't told her what he was making, Hermione was curious.

"Are you going to tell me what you made, now that it's done?" Hermione said.

"I really don't know what it's called. It's something I had forever ago, in a little Greek restaurant in Germany with James."

"What were you doing in Germany?" This was a story she hadn't heard before – something no one had ever mentioned – and since she had only been to France, any stories of continental Europe had her interested.

Sirius set the dishes on the table, next to the plates Hermione had gotten out for salad. He avoided her gaze and answered gruffly, "Just something for Dumbledore."

"What did he want? I know there's a big population of old-fashioned wizarding communities – they stick to the basic spells and live life simply – but what would Dumbledore want with them? There isn't much else special there."

"It didn't have to do with the communes." The way Sirius said that, the way it was like he was biting off something uncomfortable, made Hermione think that his trip to Germany had absolutely nothing to do with Dumbledore. There could be other reasons for visiting the beautiful, peaceful and yet hip country. But none were coming to her. Except...

"You went after Greyback didn't you?"

Sirius dropped the spoon he was holding. "How did you..."

"For one, I could tell that you were lying. Two, there's nothing really in Germany that could be useful for the Order and three – you do this gruff, "I don't want to talk about it" voice when you've done something you're not proud of to protect your friends or did a prank that could have hurt someone."

"You never actually heard me tell the story about Snape and Remus – how would you know that I was gruff sounding?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Because I was there when you and Snape decided to almost have a duel in the kitchen over Christmas."

**Author's Note: **_Bad news, good news. Bad news: I am stuck. I think it's being back at school but regardless, I am stuck! Good news is, I've got about 35 pages until you guys get to where I'm stuck at – which is about 6 chapters worth. Hopefully everything will work out before then! Leave any comments, suggestions or otherwise below. Until the next chapter!_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: **__We start off right where we left off – with a flashback. Hopefully I should have the next chapter out sometime next week. Life is about to get crazy, crazy hectic as I start a second job and balance that and school. But as always, I will try my best! Thanks everyone for the comments, questions, follow and favorites. I am beyond flattered! So without further ado, the next chapter of __**Finding the Way by Moonlight**__._

* * *

_ Snape strolled into the kitchen, eyes sweeping the room for someone. Instead, his eyes found Sirius and the infamous lip curled in displeasure._

_ "Can I help you Snape?" Sirius asked, standing up._

_ "I was looking for Kingsley."_

_ "He's not here. He had to go back to the Ministry."_

_ "I have information for him."_

_ "Then I suggest you owl him."' Sirius snapped._

_ "This isn't something that can just be written in a letter, Black!"_

_ "Well then, just go to the Ministry and tell him yourself."_

_ "You think you're so clever Black, don't you? Just like you thought you were clever when you almost killed me in the Shrieking Shack."_

_ Sirius' face had gone deathly white. And then, with a gruff, almost gravely voice, he said, "Get out of my house."_

* * *

"Well done, Hermione. Yes, James and I did go after Greyback."

"You could have been killed – or bitten!" Hermione said.

"And Remus nearly killed us when he found out. But as always, he let us off the hook. He knew, however foolish our actions, we were thinking of him."

"Obviously you didn't kill him."

"Never found him – we came close. He was hiding in the Taunus Mountains near Frankfurt but our sources were off as to where exactly in the mountains he might have been. James and I only had a week and a half to do this in, and we had run out of time. Well, that and Lily found out."

"James didn't tell Lily?" Hermione asked, finally getting a spoonful of the delicious-smelling casserole onto her spoon.

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "You think Lily would have let James go if she had known? We came home and Lily announced she was pregnant, which was probably why James ended up with such bad hexes – the hormones or whatever. She was livid that he had not only left her alone to discover such a thing – but that he had gone after someone as dangerous as Greyback."

"This is amazing, Sirius." Hermione said, closing her eyes as she enjoyed another mouthful. It was creamy and cheesy and perfect all at the same time. When she opened her eyes again, Sirius was smiling at her from across the table. "Glad you enjoyed it. So, I guess we're done talking about Germany?"

"I think so. I want to enjoy this meal while it's still hot and sinful."

Sirius got a strange look in his eyes, almost like he wanted to retort or perhaps, he thought of something else when she said "hot and sinful." But nevertheless, Hermione was too absorbed in her food to notice anything.

"We're still going to write, like always, right Sirius?" Hermione asked as Sirius grabbed his cloak to Apparate to just outside of Hogwarts castle gates.

"Like always. But Hermione, be careful. Never forget that spell. And if you want, you can make up a nickname better than Snuffles. I'm not much of a fan of it anyway."

"A new nickname huh? Well, Padfoot is out and I imagine so is Pads... do you have any suggestions?" Hermione asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Not really. I'm sure you'll think of something." It wasn't the answer Hermione had been expecting.

"Scooby."

"Scooby?"

"He's a Great Dane cartoon dog. It's a Muggle thing."

"Scooby, are you serious?" Sirius asked, breaking the first smile of the day.

"No, you're Sirius. But Scoob, maybe?" Hermione asked, chuckling.

"Tell me about Scooby."

"He's best friends with a guy named Shaggy. Yes, I know. And he loves to eat, is a scaredy-cat and has a funny voice."

"Scoob," Sirius repeated, this time trying the name out. "Hmm...keep coming with them and we'll see what fits. I may love to eat but I am no coward."

Hermione took Sirius' arm. "No you aren't."

And with that, they Apparated to their spot.

"Sirius," Hermione said as they both up-righted themselves. "I l..."

"Ah, Miss Granger, early, I see." Dumbledore said, interrupting Hermione. "Thank you Sirius. I expect to see you at the next meeting."

"Of course," Sirius said, and with a bow of his head, he was gone.

* * *

Going back to class, even if she had only been gone for a few days, was weird. People rarely missed class at Hogwarts for whatever reason, unless they were under orders by Madam Pomfrey to stay in the hospital wing.

"Hey, Hermione, where were you?" Neville asked as she met him at the door to History of Magic.

"My... I, I don't want..." She looked desperately for Harry, hoping he could explain what was going on so she didn't have to. But Harry wasn't there. "My parents were attacked. I was at St. Mungo's, Neville."

Neville's long face dropped and he frowned. "I'm sorry. Are they okay?"

"No, they aren't. My mum's getting better but they aren't sure about my dad. He was hit pretty hard by the Cruciatus Curse."

"I wish I could do something. But you know, I understand."

Hermione took a deep breath, steadying herself, steeling herself for the class and trying not to cry in front of Neville. "Thanks, I know you do."

Hermione received weekly updates from the Healers at St. Mungo's and her mother's with progress reports on her father.

_Dear Hermione,_

_ I'm out of the hospital now and staying at a hotel in London until he's released. I'm only going to stay a week and then go back home. The Order members said something about it not being safe and it would be safer for me to be back in the country where there's not so many places for Death Eater's to hide. I'm not sure if that's true considering they let this happen in the first place._

_ Your father is doing better, I guess. He squeezed my hand the other day. The Healer's said that it was just spontaneous muscle movement but I think he could tell we were there. The Healer's say that right now, his body is keeping him in a coma because it's safer that way._

_ I'm tired of being told what's safe._

_ Please, stay strong Hermione. We'll see you when we can._

_ Love,_

_ Mum_

Hermione sighed, putting the letter down. She didn't want her parents to be separated. And she doubted the Order's ability to keep her parents safe. It wasn't that she doubted the Order all together, just their ability to keep two perfectly mundane people – Muggles at that – safe. She sat all night, thinking of a way to keep them together but also safe.

_Dear Sirius,_

_ I know you know about the situation with my parents. But I still need to write it out. My father is still at St. Mungo's... still in a coma. My mum has been released and she's staying in a hotel in London for a week before the Order is practically forcing her to go back home to the country. They say it'll be safer that way._

_ I don't want to separate them. I can't leave my father alone. I can't leave my mum alone either. She's so important to me. They both are. But while Mum won't admit it, it isn't just the Order that would return her back to the country. I don't think they can afford both St. Mungo's and a hotel and all her food. They're dentists, yes, but St. Mungo's is expensive and the exchange rate isn't very good for Pounds to Galleons._

_ I was wondering if you knew anywhere my mother could stay – with Remus perhaps? I just want her to have a bed, the ability to make herself a hot meal when she wants to, and someone to be there to protect her from the evil people out there._

_ Yours,_

_ Hermione_

She received a prompt response (as usual) but it hadn't been the response she was expecting. Instead, it was something all together better.

_Dear Hermione,_

_ I have heard of the situation – if only because the Order members on duty frequently complain about being bounced back and forth between the hotel and St. Mungo's and having to escort her in. I'm sure you're aware that Muggles cannot get into St. Mungo's without a witch or wizard present with them. It just looks like a normal shop to them. Of course, it looks like a normal shop to us too._

_ I understand not wanting to separate the two of them. I can imagine your father will recover better if he has your mum by his side._

_ I also know it takes a great deal of courage and holding back of pride to admit to me that money's tight. Again, I understand. When I left my parents house and I had just moved in with James, but before I was given money by my Uncle, things were tight. I was proud, (of course) and refused to accept charity from the Potters. I wanted to help pay for the food and the clothes they gave me. So, I can understand._

_ Which is why I'm going to suggest that your parents come and live with me. I have more than enough bedrooms to spare. I've finished Reg's so your mum could take that. Provided she does the shopping, she can have full rein of my kitchen. If she's anything like you she's going to ask me a million questions and be something like Arthur Weasley of the Muggle world but it's okay. I could use the company. And, when your father is released your parents can continue staying at Grimmauld until they feel (and maybe the Order) it is safe to return home. There isn't many places safer than Grimmauld except for Hogwarts of course._

_ I hope you're staying sane._

_ Always yours,_

_ Sirius_

_Dear Sirius,_

_ I couldn't ask you to do that! Kreacher, for one thing, would have a field day. Not to mention the fact my parents probably wouldn't be able to find the house and they haven't seen a house elf before. But, I appreciate the offer. I really do._

_ I wish people would stop telling me to be strong. I mean, it's mostly the Healers and Mum but then I told Neville what happened (I thought he would understand) and he said "Stay strong Hermione!"_

_ Am I normally not strong? What makes people think that at this disaster I am going to fall apart? No. I won't. And I'm tired of people thinking I will. I am a strong woman and I can do this without their help or their advice to "stay strong." What makes them think that I'm not a strong person._

_ For that matter, what makes a person strong? I know they're talking emotionally and not physically but still. There are so many words in the English language and they choose one that's ambiguous. Ugh!_

_ Say hi to Buckbeak for me._

_ Yours,_

_ Hermione_

_ Dear Hermione,_

_ My first thought when I read your letter was something Mrs. Potter used to say to James and I when we described something that bothered us. But I don't want to talk about Mrs. Potter right now._

_ There's a way that I can alter some charms on the house so that your parents can see it. It won't be too, too difficult, I think. But I'll have Remus on hand since he was always the bookish one who understood the charms better than I did – even if I could out-duel him. It will be a special charm – one that I will also have to place on your parents so they will be the only one to see it. That should take care of that little problem. And yes, you can ask that of me. We're friends aren't we?_

_ You don't have to be strong. I think people just say that because they don't know what else to say. Your Mum...she may know you better than anyone but she is dealing with a lot and I'm sure (as much as this might hurt to read) that you aren't her top priority right now. You're safe at Hogwarts and there isn't much chance of you getting attacked by Death Eater's anytime soon unless you come visit me of course._

_ I am going to repeat what I just said – you do __**not **__have to be strong. The world is expecting you to fall apart at the seams. And while I normally wouldn't recommend doing what the world expects of you (it's normally too... bland), this time I wholeheartedly suggest it. I know you're capable of letting your guard down (that's what it all boils down to in the end, anyway). I've seen it. I don't have to remind you that you let it down enough to tell me things you haven't told anyone else and you let me see you vulnerable and crying._

_ So here's your homework until my next letter. Cry, scream at the sky...whatever gets those emotions out. (Just don't go and try to kill anyone). You don't have to do it in front of anyone. You just need to do it._

_ Always yours,_

_ Sirius_

Hermione closed the letter, holding it in one hand as she closed her eyes. It didn't matter that she was in the Great Hall or that she could feel Harry, Ron and Ginny's eyes on her, wondering if she was okay. She blocked out the noise and focused on her breathing. She didn't exactly know why she was upset, but she had a feeling it had to do with Sirius' letter. He was offering her parents a place for them to be safe and cared for. That was an immense relief. Safe houses didn't seem to work these days without a Fidelius Charm and Hermione didn't know if her magic was strong enough to perform one. And it had to be her. She trusted so few adults now, really only Sirius she realized, startling her. It had to be her or Sirius.

But... Grimmauld Place was also the home of the Order. Was it really such a good idea to put her parents in a place where... thinking about her parents was bringing tears to her eyes. This was what Sirius wanted from her – a genuine, human reaction.

"Hermione?" A voice broke through her train of thought.

"I... I need to go to the library," she lied. In fact, she was going the exact opposite of the library. She was headed to the Room of Requirements. She was going to see Sirius.

**Author's Note: Off to go to leave a review, comment, question or other form of encouragement – be it a follow or a favorite. Enjoy your weekend! **


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author's Note: Here you are, the 8**__**th**__** chapter! I'm busy, busy with everything for grad school but I have managed to write a bit more. : ) Enjoy! I don't own anything Harry Potter related. Many thanks for all the reviews, comments, etc. I appreciate them!**_

_I need a place to see Sirius. I need a place to see Sirius. I need a place to see Sirius_. Over and over again in her head until a door appeared. When she walked into the room she was surprised by what it contained. It looked like her bedroom back home. A bed, bookshelf packed to the brim with books and papers, and one of the comfiest loveseats she had ever sat on. She had missed that piece of furniture for ages. Everything was replicated about her room back home and it calmed her in one way, and in another it made her sad. This was a room of a little girl with too many books and not many friends. Everywhere pictures of her parents and herself beamed down, though static as they were. There were only a few pictures of herself, Ron and Harry – though these were of the Wizarding variety.

There were two doors in the room, side by side. One led to her bathroom: that much she knew. The other, she didn't have a clue, though Hermione did have a hunch. Wand out, she followed the path (long though it was), sloping to another door before she opened it, finding herself in Sirius' kitchen. She was silent for a moment, just observing him. He had his head in his hands, hair covering a view of his face, like a tent. He was staring down (as best as she could tell) into a mug of tea, mumbling something.

"Sirius?"

He jumped, whipping his wand out, ready for battle, or at least to hex the next person into oblivion. "Hermione?"

"Hi." She said softly.

"How did you... Why are you..."

"Come here," She said, reaching for his hand. "I'm sure you know about the Room of Requirements. Well, I was right. I got it to lead straight to your house."

"You do realize that to do that, you would have to know the location of the house and..." He stopped speaking when he saw her face. "Hermione?"

"Come back with me. Just for a few hours." Her voice was soft, nothing like her normal, bossy and brash tone. It sounded almost fragile. So Sirius took her hand and followed her back to the room.

Sirius looked around as he settled down on the loveseat. "Is this your bedroom back home?"

Hermione sat down next to him, slipping off her shoes and curling into him, waiting for his arm to curl around her as he always did when they sat together nowadays. "Yes. And you can explore all the girly embarrassments later." She said with a slight tease. "But right now I need something else."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Finally decided to ask for help?"

"I was about to lose it in the Great Hall over breakfast. It didn't exactly seem appropriate. I've got class in an hour or..." she glanced at the clock beside her bed, "actually only half an hour."

Sirius closed his eyes, pulling her closer. "Talk to me. Scream. Cry. Do what you need to do." He was serious. He wanted Hermione to be one hundred per cent comfortable with herself around him. So when he heard a shuddering breath and then the beginning of sobs, he just sat there, letting his shirt get drenched in tears as she cried. Sirius understood the need for letting out pent up emotions better than anyone, except maybe Remus. He had spent twelve years in Azkaban filled with sorrow, regret and rage. The dementors took a lot out of him and he quickly learned to keep his happy memories hidden. However, those twelve years had taught him so much about letting go and not bottling it up. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say that the past two years out of Azkaban had taught him more.

When the sobs subsided, Hermione looked up at him, her face a red and runny mess. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yes?" Sirius' hand that had taken to rubbing light circles over Hermione's back stopped. He wanted her to know she had his full attention.

"About my parents coming to stay with you instead of at St. Mungo's."

Sirius nodded. "Go on."

"Well, I think it's a good idea except...I'm worried about it also being the home of the Order. And I don't trust half of the Order once they know my parents are there."

"But if they aren't your parents Secret Keeper, they can't say if they know," Sirius said gently.

"I know. But I just don't feel safe doing that. But, but I want them safe and out of St. Mungo's. Which is why I have two questions."

"Shoot."

"One, what about Professor Lupin's home? Surely he has something."

Sirius shook his head. "Remus has essentially been staying at Grimmauld Place for a while now. The Ministry is keeping too close of tabs on him to let him get an apartment in London."

Hermione nodded, wiping her cheeks. "That's what I thought. Which is why I did some research..." Sirius groaned.

"Of course you did."

"Yes, I did. Although I've been doing research on this topic long before you suggested letting my parents stay with you."

"What is it, love?"

Hermione brushed off the endearment, knowing it to be such a British thing that usually didn't actually _mean_ love, and continued. "Well, okay, this is one of two ideas. You know how, a long time ago, pureblood wizarding families used to own castles and manors and all of that?" She didn't wait for Sirius to nod before she continued, "Well, Harry's Dad was a pureblood. And you're a pureblood."

"Excellent use of deduction, Hermione."

She flushed. Hermione was getting excited and her hands were going a mile a minute it seemed. "Well I found Potter Manor – though the Muggles call it Middleham Castle – in Yorkshire." She paused for a moment to catch her breath before barrelling on. "And Harry should own it as it is passed down through the sons and Harry is a Potter. But that's not the interesting one... see your family was rich. I mean, old money, rich. And they were originally from Slovakia. Or, I guess, what is today Slovakia. They've been in England for hundreds of years and they have a castle in the UK too – there's a gorgeous set of ruins in Wales that you apparently own. And I'd love to visit..." She was getting off track. "But the Black family still owns the Bojnice Castle. It's like two hours from Bratislava and it sounds perfect."

"I knew about the castle in Aberystwyth – we used to go to the beach on summer holidays back in happier times. I didn't even know we had a castle in Slovakia," Sirius mused. "Do you want me to check it out?"

"I don't know how you could get there. Even if you did have the right license, those hops are definitely monitored. As would the Floo. But if you didn't mind going by Muggle transportation..."

Sirius groaned. "Seriously, Hermione, when I said whatever you needed to do, I didn't think it involved Muggle transportation and galloping all around Europe to find a place for your parents. I expected you to cry and scream and... well... What?" He stopped when he saw Hermione had stood up, hands on her hips.

"I might not hurt in the same way you do. And you're right, I do hold a lot of things in. But I also need to be productive to get through things. So this is me, taking charge of my family, and dealing with it."

Sirius stood up and hung his head for a minute to indicate his shame, before catching her eye. "I understand. I'm sorry." He went over to hug her. "You need to get to class. You're going to be late unless you sprint."

"So you'll look into it."

"I will."

"And you'll stop bugging me about venting?"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "No chance, love. I still think you need a good screaming, crying, throwing things at the wall session, but for now, this will do."

Hermione stood, hand on the door, a funny look on her face. "You're one to talk about venting. I know you're hiding something from me. I don't really care what. I just want to know why." And with that, she was gone.

_Dear Hermione,_

_ This is a crazy mission. You know that. I shouldn't... I don't blend in well, even in the wizarding world. You know me as that playboy from way back when. And so yes, I charmed even without realizing it. I was never just a face in the crowd. Now doesn't that sound conceited? I'm not trying to be. You have to know that._

_ But now, now I'm far from looking like that charming boy who swept so many girls off their feet. Now, I look scary. Even though I've managed to "fill out" a bit, I haven't lost the look of Azkaban. Admit it. I still look scary. Although, don't talk about my hair. James always knew if he really wanted to wound me with a taunt, he would go for my hair. Every man has to have one piece of vanity, don't they? Well, mine is my hair._

_ Anyway, it's not just a matter of knowing how to use Muggle technology but feeling comfortable with it, and blending in. And I just... don't._

_ How about another cheeky jaunt sometime soon and we'll talk this all out?_

_ Always yours,_

_ Sirius_

Hermione chuckled quietly as she read the letter, waiting for Transfiguration class to start.

"Miss Granger, is something amusing?" Professor McGonagall asked as she approached Hermione.

"Oh, nothing Professor. He's just being silly and vain about his _hair_ of all things." Hermione snorted. She closed the letter and tucked it into her bag.

"Be careful Miss Granger. You know my warnings about interference within Hogwarts and especially the owl post..." McGonagall trailed off before she gave the younger girl a small smile. "But I am happy to see you smiling. The world is much too dark of late and with everything, it is nice to see you acting your age."

Hermione looked up, surprised. Did McGonagall know about her psuedo-relationship (what **did** one call what they were in, far too deep?) with Sirius? Had she really been acting all that different? "I have never acted my age, Professor." The answer rolled off her tongue before she could realize how impertinent she just sounded. Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes widening. Professor McGonagall just smiled and returned to the front of the class to begin the lesson.

As had become habit, she began to write a response during spare moments between classes and since she had shown her proficiency in the spell of the day, she was left to write her letter in a semblance of peace.

_My Sirius,_

_ Your hair? Seriously? There's a war going on, or at least, there's one brewing, and you are talking about what your hair looks like? I can't believe you sometime._

_ But if you want me to be honest, yes, everyone is allowed a little piece of vanity. My hair will never be my piece of vanity – I have come to tolerate it, but I used to hate my hair. For you, I love your eyes. They are a puzzle I mean to crack. They have gotten more expressive since we first met – when we first met you just looked wild. Purely wild. But now, now they are guarded to most people. The negative emotions show so much more clearly than the happy, positive ones. And I know, it's probably because you have seen so much more pain than you have love. But you had over seven years of amazing friendship with Remus and James and, I imagine for most of the time, Peter. And maybe even Lily. Who knows? Were those memories enough to sustain you, to bring out the happy again?_

_ What about now? Are you – are we – making memories that help cancel out the bad? I said I would be honest and myself when you showed your whole self to me. But I can't help but think that that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Which makes me sad. You know why? Because you make me happy. You make me smile anytime I get a letter, without even opening it. McGonagall's noticed it, though I don't know if she knows who I'm constantly writing to. Is there some way you can secretly or discreetly ask her, next time she is over for an Order meeting? Or would that raise too much suspicion during an already suspicious time?_

_ As for blending in with Muggles, I can help. I know some makeup tricks to make you look less scary. (And I have to applaud you for being able to admit that. Sometimes we Gryffindors can be too proud to ask for help or admit our weaknesses.) Although, to be honest, we're going to have to work on cosmetic spells anyway because you can't just go walking around Europe without some sort of disguise. I __**know**__ you want to be your own person and do this as Sirius Orion Mirzam Black, but you can't. Maybe as Mirzam, but not as Sirius and certainly not as your father's name Orion. I'm sure you understand why. Anyway... we shall endeavor to have some Muggle lessons. Muggle Studies, if you had taken it in the 1970s probably won't help right now. But don't worry. I'm not a Muggleborn for nothing._

_ Of course I'd love to start these lessons as soon as possible. My parents aren't safe. And I miss you._

_ Forever Yours,_

_ Hermione_

Hermione found Sirius waiting for her in the Room of Requirements that evening, although the room looked very different from the first time she had snuck him in. Instead of her Muggle bedroom, it was looked remarkably like one of the reading rooms at the British Library. Two modern desks and two glass walls on either side (depicting a corridor with people walking past) and the other two walls filled from floor to ceiling with books. The room had even recreated the smell of the old books – foxing paper, crumbling leather – it was like a dream come true. And there was Sirius, leaning against a desk, looking incredibly content, almost smirking as he watched her.

Hermione couldn't explain why, but her hands instantly went up to her hair, smoothing the braid she had put it in earlier. Her cheeks were flushed because she'd been rereading a book about Muggle transportation and lost track of time. Poor Madam Pince was going to have a field day when she realized that Hermione had left the book on the table, parchment between a page, until Hermione came back later for it. She hadn't told the librarian as much so, certainly, there might be some anger there.

"Hi," she breathed, trying to calm herself. But Sirius threw his arms around her, enveloping her in a hug that seemed to almost crush her. "Sirius, let go. I need to breath." She heard a chuckle and then Sirius released her. "What was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing. Remus said something to me and it got me all mopey. And he wouldn't give his chocolate to me, so I..." Sirius stumbled, a tinge of pink coming to his cheeks. "I thought a hug might make me feel better."

**Author's Note: Thanks everyone! Feel free to leave a comment, question, remark or anything else. The next chapter has some big admissions coming up. Anyone want to guess what they are? Until the next chapter, I remain yours.**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's Note: **__Without further ado, here is the next chapter. I don't claim any ownership of the world J.K. Rowling has created. I also immensely thank you all for the reviews, comments, suggestions and questions. There'll be a short announcement at the end of the chapter. But for now, enjoy reading!_

* * *

_Dear Sirius,_

_ I suppose this letter shouldn't surprise you. It's been a long time in the making._

_ I have had to be brave and strong for so many people – for Ron, for Harry, at times it seemed for Hogwarts itself. But I didn't have to be strong for you. I just had to be myself. When I thought my parents were going to die, you said don't be strong – be you. And you have no idea what a relief it was to understand that that pressure – that pressure I constantly would put on myself – didn't have to exist._

_ And I've seen, through our letters and our brief times together, the same thing in you. You are bright and funny and witty and everything good out there fighting right now. You have made me see life a whole new way and I'm happy so happy._

_ So, I suppose, it came as a surprise to me when, during a conversation with Remus (one that had started on hexes and gone so astray) he asked me a question. He asked if I loved you._

_ Sirius, I'm not even sure if I know what love is. I've had crushes and brotherly love and love for my parents but romantic love is something new to me. While I might have actually known, I think I was hiding that answer somewhere and Remus' question brought it out into the open. _Do I love you?_,_

_I research everything (don't laugh) I could find about love and absolutely no book in Hogwarts' library could help me. It couldn't tell me what my heart was feeling. So I shut out the conflicting thoughts and the pressures of whatever was happening at the time and I just listened._

_ So, here I am, answering Remus' question to the person who it matters most to: you. I'm ripping my heart away from my brain and putting it on a plate for you to see._

_ Sirius Black, I know now, as much as I (both of us?) have been trying to hide it, deny it or cover it up with stories of the day, that I love you._

_ Do you hear that? I love you._

_ Forever yours,_

_ Hermione Jean Granger_

Hermione actually slept remarkably well that night. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and now her body was telling her to sleep and relax. But in the morning, the memory of what she had written and just done, weighed heavily on her. So when she received a letter in the morning owl post (_He must have been up all night again), _she practically ripped it out of the owl's beak and opened it up. It was short – too short and it took Hermione a moment to catch her breath to calm down before she could read it.

_Dear Hermione,_

_ Here is a quote for you while I think of a proper way to answer you. It's the quote I said at James' and Lily's wedding._

"Man can live his truth, his deepest truth but he cannot speak it. It is for this reason that love becomes the ultimate human answer to the ultimate human question." ~ MacLeish

_Always yours,_

_ Sirius_

As usual, Sirius had known exactly what to say to keep Hermione's mind at relative ease while she went about her classes for the day. They were working on transforming a duck into a duck-billed platypus today (for whatever reason that spell would be useful, Hermione had no idea) and Hermione had gotten it on the third try.

* * *

"You okay Hermione?" Ron asked at lunch, just after he had nearly gotten crushed when his duck turned into something resembling a platypus with feathers, right on top of him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"It normally wouldn't take you three tries to get that spell. You've been doing really well with animal to animal transfiguration," Harry said for Ron who just kind of sat there stupidly.

"Thanks Harry, and Ron. But I'm fine. I'm probably just tired."

They had heard that excuse a few too many times before, but they let it be. There were better places than the Great Hall to approach Hermione about anything to do with her and Sirius' relationship. But, by the way Hermione cast aside her essay for History of Magic, both of them knew something was up.

"Are you waiting for a letter from Snuffles?" Harry asked, putting his own homework down.

"Yeah – it that obvious?" Hermione asked, grimacing.

"A little."

"I imagine it will be here shortly."

"Well don't wait up too long. We've got double Potions tomorrow morning," Harry answered quickly – too quickly for Hermione's liking.

"Harry, are... are you okay?"

"He never writes me anymore." Harry admitted. "I never hear from him anymore and you hear from him practically every day. He's not your godfather. He's mine. He should be writing me!" Harry's voice rose at the end of the sentence.

Hermione sighed. "Harry, he always talks about you in his letters. He hasn't forgotten you. I promise that."

"But why do you..."

"I'm not going to answer that. We're both tired and my emotions are a little fried right now and you don't deserve my anger. Just know that Sirius loves you. I'm just helping him through some things."

"Right," Harry groaned, running his fingers through his messy hair. "I'm sorry, Hermione... I'm being an idiot."

"No. You're worried about him. We all are."

Harry and Ron had long since gone to bed when an owl tapped at the common room window. Hermione opened the window to let the bird in, before gently taking the letter from it and allowing it to fly back to wherever it was headed.

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_ I have been searching for so long, so desperately long to find answers. And once I found them, I had the problem of voicing them._

_ But you helped me. You helped me to discover those answers and then write them. For that, I am eternally grateful._

_ Remus asked me the same question when I spoke of your letter. I didn't know what to do. He told me not to break your heart. But oh, I fear I already have._

_ I am too old for you, too frail, too volatile, too dangerous. I don't know why you chose to fall in love with me. But, I chose to jump off that bridge with you._

_ I can't wait for your letters and if I had the Marauder's map I would try to sneak into Hogwarts to see you. You are everything pure in my life and while that might seem like a line, it's true._

_ I love you Hermione Granger._

_ But now, now that we've admitted this, we need to go our separate ways. I __will not_ _cause you any more pain. I mean it. No more letters, no visits during Hogsmeade. We go back to the almost-perfect strangers we used to be. It's better this way, I guess. But I won't hurt you._

_ You have to understand. If we were to... attempt to date like a normal couple, we couldn't. I haven't been cleared of my crimes from Azkaban and I'm still seen as a fugitive. You couldn't walk down the streets with me, holding my hand or kiss me in public. Our lives would be lived in Grimmauld Place and I can't do that to you. You are an intelligent witch who needs someone who can travel the world with you – who can be by your side and not hold you back. I would be holding you back, Hermione. I would be forever on your mind as you went about your job or travels. You would worry about me and I don't want that. I don't want you to worry about me and I don't want you to have to protect and life your life around a man who the world sees as a mass murderer._

_ And for that matter, how would we tell your parents? Your mum and dad have just barely survived that horrible incident where the Order didn't give them enough protection. How are we suppose to tell them that two highly ranked Order members (as I suppose you will become one soon) are dating, that we're nineteen years apart and that the world sees me as the person who killed James and Lily Potter? Hermione, no. I won't hurt you or your parents like that. Our lives are constantly in danger and I think it is better if we don't have to worry about each other more than we have to worry about ourselves. There's a reason why the single members of the Order survive longer than the married ones._

_ Do you know why, Hermione? Because I would kill for you. I would die for you. And I have a feeling you would do the same. And so we're no longer fighting Voldemort – we're fighting to keep each other alive. And that's no way to fight._

_ Forever Yours,_

_ Sirius Black_

Hermione dropped the letter, looking into the fire as tears filled her eyes. She knew better than to write a response right away – otherwise he would get a Howler and there was an acute possibility that there could be a meeting at the time which would have made Hermione uncomfortable, knowing the Order knew their business. Sirius, of course, would be smart enough to avoid opening it until after the meeting but Hermione knew those meetings could go on for hours – and Howlers didn't like to wait.

Instead, she reread one line over and over again. _I don't want to hurt you_. "Sirius Black, you already have."

* * *

The next morning was painful for Hermione, quite literally. She woke up on the sofa in the common room, neck twisted in an uncomfortable position. As she stretched, memories of the letter resurfaced and Hermione stretched, painfully, trying her best to block those words, now seemingly engraved into her brain.

But, when she went to pick up the letter, it wasn't there. Immediately Hermione went looking in the cushions and underneath the sofa. She couldn't have lost that letter. It wasn't charmed anymore to look naïve and innocent so if it got in the wrong hands... if it got into Umbridge's hands...

"Looking for this?" Harry asked, holding the letter out from the chair he was sitting in. Hermione jumped. She hadn't seen him in her search for the letter.

"Give that back to me Harry Potter."

"Hermione, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, he's old enough to be your father – literally. And it wouldn't be a peaceful life in the country."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Are you taking his side? And who said I wanted a peaceful life in the country?"

"I thought..."

"I'm sixteen years old – I barely know what I want for breakfast."

That had been the wrong thing to say. "Then how do you know you love Sirius?" Harry threw back.

"Because... because... ugh, Harry, don't make me try to explain it. Okay, so you know how Ginny makes you feel. She makes you feel like you're a normal person and you don't have to be savior of the wizarding world?"

"Yes," Harry said slowly.

"Sirius makes me feel like that. I love him and I think life is too short – especially with everything going on right now – to hide our feelings. And this has been a long time in the making."

"How long?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Since Christmas holidays. Longer on my side, probably."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Do?"

"You have to do something. While I may agree with Sirius, I can't imagine you just trying to take his word for it and stop writing letters to him."

"I was thinking of talking to Dumbledore. My parents need their monthly check-up at St. Mungo's and I thought I'd visit them and surprise Sirius." Hermione actually didn't have a plan. But it was the first thing that popped into her head and it seemed as good an excuse as any to get out of the castle and to see Sirius.

"Do you think he would let you do that? He hasn't exactly been the kindest on letting you see your parents."

It was true – it had been three months since her parents had been attacked and she had seen them twice. Dumbledore had always come up with an excuse and Hermione's patience was wearing thin with the elderly Headmaster.

* * *

"Professor Dumbledore, may I speak with you?" Hermione asked, taking as many quick, little steps as she could to keep up with his long strides.

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore stopped, turning towards Hermione. "how may I help you?"

"I was wondering if next weekend I could see my parents. They've got their three month check-up coming up."

Hermione felt the shining blue eyes sweep over her and somehow, she knew her mind was being examined. She looked away from Dumbledore, noticing the hint of a smile on his face.

"Well, Miss Granger, I have a better idea. Would you like to accompany me to my office?"

"Of course. But, Professor Binns is expecting me in class in a few minutes."

"I will write you a note when we are through. This is important." He waved a hand and so, Hermione followed. Once they were in his office, Hermione sat down.

"I have heard of your work in your classes. The professors are very impressed."

Hermione blushed. "Thank you Professor."

"And, with you being so close to Harry, I believe it's time that you learned some extra spells and hexes to protect yourself, Mister Weasley and Harry."

"Are you offering me extra classes?"

"Not quite. Professor McGonagall and I believe that, despite your age, you should join the Order of the Phoenix."

"Join... the Order?" She asked skeptically.

"Yes, Miss Granger. We believe you could benefit from the Order and we also believe that the Order could benefit from your knowledge."

"Would I be asked to go on any missions?"

"No, of course not. But we could use your research skills. Are you okay with this?"

Hermione hesitated, "I think so. If the Order agrees."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading! I've decided to split this fiction into two parts. The first part, the one you are reading now, is completely written and will be updated weekly until it is completed – something I expect to happen before the holidays. The sequel, currently unnamed (though **_**Dancing through Hell and Back **_**has been suggested and I am willing to take more suggestions!) will be posted at an unknown date. **

**Here is my reasoning: I am not able to work on the second arc of this story nearly as much as I would like – as in, only about an hour or so a week. Once the government decides to stop being shut down, my free time is going to be severely curtailed. I don't want to leave you guys halfway through a story and so you might get a bit of a cliffhanger at the end of Part I, but that's better than leaving a story hanging in my opinion.**

**Lastly, a bit of fun – I saw Avengers and Thor for the first time this past week and I have to say I'm addicted! Loki reminds me of a cross between Severus Snape and Sirius Black. **

**As always, I appreciate every comment, suggestion, question and review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Here you are, Chapter 10! The usual disclaimers about my not owning the Harry Potter universe still apply. So without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

Hermione entered Grimmauld Place behind Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. Everyone was gathering at the huge dining room table – everyone except Sirius. "I'll be right back," She said, turning to the two before going up the stairs to Regulus' bedroom. Hermione knew Sirius had been planning to redecorate that bedroom so she guessed that would be where he was.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked, knocking.

"Come on in."

When Hermione entered the room, she was surprised to see Sirius painting, by hand, the room a bright, cheerful teal. "Teal? I didn't take you for a teal person."

Sirius dropped the paint brush, noticing Hermione for the first time. "What are you doing here?"

"To come see you – among other reasons. Why teal?"

"A little bird told me your favorite color was teal."

"Really? My favorite color is a dark purple."

"I'm teasing, Hermione. It's teal because... I don't know. The paint was on sale?"

Hermione smiled as Sirius struggled to figure out what to do. "What are you doing here, really? I told you..."

"And I didn't listen," Hermione answered quickly.

Sirius frowned and then, he broke into a huge smile. Ignoring the paint all over him, he walked over to Hermione and picked her up in a huge hug, swinging her around. "I'm glad you're here."

"I wasn't going to take no for an answer. You should know that." She kissed his cheek and Sirius grinned.

"Yeah, I should." Instead of kissing her cheek, he kissed her lips. For a moment, Hermione was taken aback but Sirius wasn't pushing her. It was obvious by the gentleness that Sirius didn't want to hurt her and she could pull away at any moment if she wanted to. But Hermione didn't want to pull away.

When the two broke apart, Hermione's cheeks were flushed and she had a streak of teal paint on her cheek from where Sirius' hand had gone to cup her head. "We should get down to the meeting."

"Are you going to the meeting?" Sirius asked, slightly surprised.

"Yeah – that was my other reason for coming."

"We should get cleaned up then," Sirius said, grabbing his wand and flicking the paint off of them.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked.

"Yes?"

"I love you. But we need to talk about this before I leave."

"Yes, we do. But for now, we've got a meeting."

* * *

They walked down to the dining room together, fingers brushing together in longing to hold each other's hand, but not daring to.

They sat in the only two seats left – on opposite sides of the table. It was uncomfortable for Hermione to be sitting in between Professor McGonagall and a short wizard she was pretty sure was Mr. Diggle. Sirius, somehow, had managed to get one of the better seats: he was sitting in between Tonks and Remus.

Then again, that could a dangerous spot to sit for the mere reason that Hermione was pretty sure they were in love with each other and Sirius would have to hear their fighting banter throughout the meeting when they were supposed to be paying attention.

"Everyone, let's get started. Professor McGonagall and I should be back by dinner time."

Everyone quieted while Hermione looked around the table. There were some members definitely missing – Snape, Hagrid. Kingsley to name a few. But then, she wondered, if nearly everyone was here and the remaining members were at Hogwarts or the Ministry, who was protecting her parents?

"Do we have a report from Jones and Podmore?" Dumbledore asked, glancing at Hermione before fixing his gaze on an older wizard with a wheezy voice.

"So far, it has been quiet. I don't think the Death Eaters will be trying anything anytime soon while we're around."

"Because they definitely protected them the first time," Sirius said darkly, eyes locking with Hermione's.

"Sirius!" Dumbledore chided.

And that's when Hermione knew. They were talking about her parents. "Have they been moved?"

Hermione felt everyone's eyes on hers as she repeated her question. "Have they been moved?"

"Dumbledore why is..."

"she here?" Another wizard finished for the one who had trailed off.

Dumbledore sighed. "I was hoping to get through our business here before bringing this up. I believe you all know Miss Granger. I have asked her to join the Order."

"How old are you Hermione?" Tonks asked, perhaps to clear the air and offer it up for debate.

"I'm sixteen. I will be seventeen in September."

"You're not of age?"

"No, ma'am, I'm not."

"You haven't even passed your O.W.L.'s. How can we know that you can help us?"

Hermione felt a tinge of color rise into her cheeks. They were doubting her magical abilities? Glancing at Sirius she could see him fighting back some emotion, though she couldn't tell which one.

"Miss Granger, perhaps you should show the others what I fully know you are capable of?" Dumbledore asked, followed by a nod by Remus.

Hermione stood up quietly, pushing in her chair behind her. "Which one?"

"I believe the speaking patronus would be suitable."

Hermione closed her eyes, focusing on the memory and said the incantation with the words it was to say before opening her eyes when gasps filled the room. A beautiful silver otter was floating through the air, almost as if it was swimming through the room. It found it's target – Tonks – and said, "You look better with pink hair," before disappearing.

"Now, members of the Order, is this proof enough that Miss Granger is capable of dealing with matters of the Order?"

"Well, that's all fine and good that she can produce some high level spells. But is she trustworthy? Can she keep her head in a battle?" This protest came from the man sitting beside Hermione.

"Sir, I don't know if you know who I am. I am Hermione Jean Granger – one third of the Golden Trio. I am best friends with Harry Potter and if that doesn't require an extreme amount of trust and ability to keep secrets, then, I believe I don't know anything that would. I helped him with get through Sn... Professor Snape's logic challenge to get to the Sorcerer's Stone our first year. I helped him with finding out how the Basilik was attacking students in our second year. Do I need to go on?" Hermione asked, looking pointedly at Dumbledore.

"No, Miss Granger that will be enough. You may sit down." Dumbledore waited until she did so before adding, "I believe we should vote. All in favor?"

Hermione took a deep breath and looked around the room. About half of the hands were up – mostly her friends or those she considered friends – McGonagall, Dumbledore, Tonks, Remus, Sirius...even Dung Fletcher.

"And the nays?"

There were less hands up this time and Dumbledore smiled. "All right then, Miss Granger, welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."

Hermione listened intently, the inner student in her itching to take notes. But as soon as the meeting was over, she knew she had other things to do. "Professor Dumbledore?" She asked, approaching him after he had called the meeting to a close.

"Yes, Miss Granger? I imagine you will be wanting to speak to Sirius for a moment. I will wait for you in the kitchen. You have less than half an hour Miss Granger," he warned her before returning to speak with whomever she had interrupted.

Sirius was waiting on the staircase for her and they went up to Sirius' bedroom since the paint fumes were a little overpowering in Regulus' room.

"So, we need to talk." Sirius said, sitting down on the powder blue settee at the foot of his bed.

"Yes, we do." But Hermione got the feeling from the way Sirius' eyes kept flickering between her mouth and her eyes that there wouldn't be much discussion at first. He inched closer and Hermione did the same, bridging the gap between the two.

"This isn't talking," She chastised him once they broke apart.

Sirius broke into a grin. "Do you know how long I've waited to do that?"

"You just did – right before the meeting."

"No, I mean, in general."

"How long?"

"Well if we're going on ridiculous crushes that people sometimes get, then last summer."

She raised an eyebrow. "You've wanted to kiss me for almost a year?"

"Well, it's been an evolving thing. How long did Dumbledore say you had?" He was stalling.

"About twenty minutes now."

"You know we're nineteen years apart right?"

"And my parents are eight – that's an entire span of Hogwarts there."

"Hermione, it's dangerous for you."

She shook her head. "It's dangerous for me to be friends with Harry. You don't see me stopping my friendship with him because of something as trivial as safety."

"It's not trivial!" Sirius snapped, causing Hermione to jump back. "I would... I'm not sure if I would die for you but I know right now that I would want to pummel whomever decided to make you unhappy."

"Then you need to be pummeling yourself."

"Why?"

Hermione groaned. "Sirius, I'm almost of age. I've been making my own decisions for a long time now and right now, you're making me unhappy not letting me make this decision."

"It's both of our decisions. And I'm saying no."

"What about when I turn of age this fall?"

"Then, we can talk again."

"But we're just going to keep kissing like we're dating until then?" Hermione stood up, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No. That... I let my emotions get the best of me."

"Thinking with your head can be dangerous – take it from someone who knows."

"But thinking with your heart can be even more dangerous. Listen, until my name is cleared, which I doubt will happen, or you're of age, I don't want to think of this conversation."

Hermione's eyes lit up. Oho! So now she had a project. "I have a feeling you're going to be replaying it over and over again in your head until then."

"It's April now, right?"

"Yes."

"Then five months."

"And a million letters."

"Be strong, Hermione."

"I could say the same about you Sirius. I love you."

"And I love you too, Hermione."

* * *

When Hermione met Dumbledore downstairs to go back to Hogwarts, she had the beginnings of a plan forming in her head. It was a plan that would require some research but also something that would try her even more. It would require her patience and some cunning thinking. She was going to have to bring out her inner Slytherin. That, alone should have terrified her. Hermione had been avoiding the cunning sense of purpose for most of her life – told it was not the way to get things accomplished, an idea only reinforced by the Slytherin ideals once she reached Hogwarts.

But if it took a little of the Slytherin in her to clear Sirius' name, then that was what she was going to do.

She joined Harry and Ron the door to the Great Hall for dinner. "Where were you?" Ron hissed. "You were supposed to help me practice Summoning Charms before dinner."

"I had a meeting." It was the truth but that was as far as she was going to go. Telling Ron and Harry that she had joined the Order was, perhaps, not in any of their best interests. That, and she had a sneaky suspicion that Dumbledore would not have wanted her to tell anyone.

"What kind of meeting?" Ron asked, sitting down at the long Gryffindor table.

"Did you see Snuffles?" Harry asked quietly, so quietly that Ron, who had started slamming things onto his plate in anger, didn't hear.

"Yes."

"And did you get the answer you wanted?"

"Not exactly. But I've got a plan."

Harry looked at her uneasily. "You have a plan? Why does that make me nervous?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'll ask for help if I need it. There's plenty of research to be done first before I get to the hard part."

Harry shook his head and sat down. "I don't know about you sometimes Hermione. Are you going to tell me what the plan is?"

"I'm going to clear Snuffles' name."

Harry chuckled and Ron dropped the roll he was holding. "You're going to do what?"

"Clear his name. It shouldn't be too hard. All I've got to do is find Peter Pettigrew and then trick him into drinking some Veriteserum with a Ministry official nearby. Or... I could always trick him into coming to the Ministry, handing him over to them and then having them do the rest."

"Are you mad?"

"Thank goodness for that. Otherwise this would never work," Hermione said, adding some food to her own plate.

"You can't just..."

"Watch me." Hermione knew they would leave it at that. They had learned a long time ago that if Hermione had made her mind up, she was not to be dissuaded.

* * *

**Author's Note: We are rapidly approaching the end of Part I. Depending on how I split it, there will be one incredibly long next chapter or two, shorter chapters. Any preference?**

**I thank you all for the reviews, comments, suggestions, favorites and follows! They never fail to make my day. **


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: Y'all voted almost exclusively for a longer chapter, so here you are! It's actually about the length of a regular chapter – I had a hard time deciding where to break this chapter up.**_

* * *

_Dear Sirius,_

_ I kind of already miss you. Is that wrong of me? Dumbledore said he doesn't know when the next meeting will be so I'm not sure when I'll see you again. I wish it would be soon. If it's not within the next month, maybe I could convince him to let me see my parents – check up on them. You could meet me there and we could have a weekend of it. Something like that. We'll see how it goes._

_ I was thinking tonight about how difficult it is to be a group of close friends – a group of three or four, say. Someone feels like an outsider and when two or three perhaps, are in an argument the others feel like they're being forced to take sides. All that thinking made me realize just how lucky I am to have Harry and Ron and how, it's surprising that we've all stayed friends for this long._

_ It made me wonder about Peter, though. What do you think made him turn to the Dark Arts? I have a theory, but I'd like your opinion first. My mum always said that I'm constantly spouting off my own ideas before letting anyone else have their say. So I'm letting you have your say._

_ Love,_

_ Hermione_

Hermione received the letter back as slowly as she expected. It wasn't like she was expecting him to send pages about the man who betrayed his best friends and himself immediately. She imagined him, sitting in front of the fire at all hours of the night, parchment and quill posed on his lap. He would write a line, cross it out and then begin again. The floor would be littered with crumbled pieces of parchment – letters that didn't say the right things.

_Dear Hermione,_

_ No, you're not crazy. I miss you too. Of course, now it's been over a week since I last saw you. We are crazy people though, to think that we can pull this off._

_ You are one sly she-devil aren't you? Cheeky monkey as Lils would say. If you wanted to know about Peter, you just could have asked. You wouldn't have hurt my feelings. And it's better than trying to eek out the story with questions you think are trying to be clever and coy. Sorry, I saw right through them._

_ I think that Peter joined the Death Eater's because he was always looking for someone to idolize. James was a great student and he was popular, good on the Quidditch field and just, this great guy all around. Peter wasn't the only one to idolize him. But Peter was the only one to be accepted into our circle – the Marauders._

_ I think Peter was a power hungry person. He didn't want to yield the power – he just wanted to be in the presence of it. And so when he found Snape, Avery... all of those people, he found a place where the power was of a different kind – it was the power of intimidation that I could curse your brains right out of your skull if I wanted. And I think that appealed to Peter. And then, once he was a part of the Death Eaters, there was of course, no turning back. But he found a bigger man to serve – he found Voldemort._

_ Peter was a good friend for a time. But he let power and isolation (almost never being able to catch up to the rest of us and having to be heavily helped with his Animagus training) ruin him._

_ Love,_

_ Sirius_

Hermione closed the letter silently, letting the still-tacky wax keep it shut. She sat there for a moment, hardly breathing, deep in thought. Oh yes, she had a plan. And that plan involved... the library.

* * *

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes Miss Granger?" It was after dinner one night when Hermione had decided to approach the Headmaster about her plan.

"I was wondering if you could write a note for me to use the restricted section. I wanted to read about wizarding law and it seems the books I need are in the..."

Dumbledore chuckled. "You do not fool me Miss Granger. Mr. Potter informed me of your plan."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "He shouldn't have done that."

"I believe that he wanted to protect you."

"Protect me? I am no child." She straightened her posture, meeting Dumbledore's gaze without flinching underneath what seemed like intense scrutiny.

"No, Miss Granger, I daresay you aren't." He took the piece of paper from her and signed. "I only ask that you be careful. Meddling with another person's darkest secrets can be extremely dangerous."

"That is why I want to research it first – find out all I need to know."

"And how long do you think that will take you?"

"Oh, probably two weeks provided I don't get distracted."

Dumbledore nodded. "I think that you would be wise to wait until after your seventeenth birthday."

"And I believe you were wrong for ordering me back to Hogwarts so soon after my parent's attack. We each have our own opinions as to what is right and wrong, about timing and other things. I do not ask your permission for the journey, only for help obtaining the knowledge I need."

"Very well Miss Granger, here you are."

* * *

As Hermione fought unconsciousness, she heard a whole lot of yelling and what sounded like a scream. It shouldn't have surprised her because of the battle going on, but it still did. She struggled to lift her head from the floor – she was just in time to see Sirius and Bellatrix dueling. A jet of red light hit Sirius and she watched in horror, unable to do anything to stop him, as he fell into the Veil.

Remus was holding Harry back and it seemed for a moment that time stood still. That moment lasted longer for Hermione than the others because as the Death Eater's apparated away, her fight with unconsciousness lost and she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Hermione, wake up, Hermione?"

Hermione groaned. "What time is it?"

"Three thirty on Thursday."

"Thursday?" Hermione tried to sit up quickly, only to be pushed back down. Her eyes focused and she saw Harry and Ron, sitting next to her bed.

"We were worried about you."

"I was out for two days?"

"Not exactly. Apparently Madam Pompfrey kept you asleep for the past day and a half."

"Why?" She wanted to sit up and so, she weakly pushed away Harry's hand and scooched herself up to a sitting position.

"She did it under Dumbledore's orders."

"Is Sirius..."

"He's gone Hermione."

"He...he can't be." Hermione stuttered, tears filling her eyes. "He promised me once I turned seventeen..."

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Ron said, going to take her hand and then deciding against it.

"I..." She didn't know what to say.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley," a gentle voice accompanied by blue eyes walked into the sectioned off area where Hermione was, "you're about to miss the end of year feast."

"Professor Dumbledore, we'd like to stay here." Ron said quietly, eyes fixed on Hermione's tear streaked face.

"No, Mr. Weasley. There are some things Miss Granger and I need to take care of."

Harry and Ron left, albeit reluctantly, leaving Hermione with the Headmaster.

"Professor Dumbledore, is Sirius really...?"

The old man shook his head, "I don't believe so. He was only struck with a stunner so it's the Veil that took him, making him disappear. I believe there may be a way to retrieve him from wherever he went. But, I first wanted to talk to you about a plan you have to prove Sirius innocent."

"What would you like me to do?" She brushed away some tears, now ready to focus on whatever Dumbledore needed her to do.

"I need you to continue that plan."

Hermione sighed, "I'm not sure I can."

"Hermione, I know it might be hard, but I believe it is the first step to bringing Sirius back."

"I still can't believe he's gone."

Dumbledore looked down, and reached into his pocket. He pulled a small velvet box out and handed it to Hermione. "Sirius left this for you."

Hermione opened the box slowly. A platinum ring sat nestled in the box. Two tiny diamonds stood at the center of the design, opening into two Celtic knots. The knots ended at nine small black diamonds that made a diamond shape. As she turned the ring over in her hand, some writing shone from the inside. _Forever Yours._

"Professor, I don't know if you knew... Sirius and I..."

"You don't have to explain Miss Granger. I could tell that you and Sirius were very close." Dumbledore paused and then handed Hermione a letter. "I'll leave you to your letter. Let Madam Pompfrey know if you need anything."

Hermione closed her eyes, turning the letter over in her hands, over and over and over again. Finally, one finger reached underneath the seal and broke it. Opening her eyes, she began to read.

_My dearest Hermione -_

_ If you're reading this well, let's just say we're not going to be spending our lives together, getting old._

_ First, let me explain the ring – I know you are curious. It's enchanted to fit your finger, though it should be the right size since I sized one of your rings when you were at Grimmauld Place. The Celtic knot is a symbol of never-ending love – there is no beginning and no end. The black diamonds are my little twist on my name. It was suppose to be your engagement ring and a sign that you would always be mine – that your heart was a Black's. Clever, isn't it?_

_ But, now I want you to put it aside. Throw in a dresser drawer, no, in fact, throw it in the Black Lake. (No pun intended.) I want you to forget about me. You have your whole life ahead of you and you cannot, for one moment, think that you are through with love because I died. I love you more than words can express and I am so happy that we found each other. But one day you will find someone like I found you. You will find someone who makes your heart sing and makes your body quiver at his touch and suddenly all the "manly" smells you thought repulsive, smell wonderful just because they're coming from him. Okay, well, maybe not that far, but you get the idea. And I don't want you to not experience that because you are still pining away at me. It will be okay Hermione, I promise._

_ Don't worry about your parents in Slovakia. I've changed my will so it's yours. Please, visit the library in there? There's some books you might find useful to defeat Voldemort. But remember, you have a purpose in life far greater than being the brains of the operation._

_ All of my love,_

_ Sirius_

* * *

Hermione found she had no tears left to cry. She had nothing. Everything had dried up in a way she didn't know was possible. She was numb, yes, but in the loss of her emotions, she found them to be replaced with something else: a dedication to her cause. It was a blind devotion to the mission.

"I need to get to Slovakia." She said, to no one in particular. Ron, who hadn't left her side except for meals and a few hours of sleep and had returned as she was reading the letter, looked up.

"Why?"

"It all starts in Slovakia." She had a feeling she wasn't making any sense to Ron but she really didn't care. There was a clarity that she hadn't had previously. Hermione knew exactly what she needed to do and how to get there. First, she needed to go see her parents in Slovakia and use the extensive Black library. Sirius had hinted as much on previous occasions and it was her chance to do this right. She needed to find Pettigrew first though. Voldemort could wait. Sirius was more important.

Almost as if Hermione noticed Ron for the first time, she looked at him. "Can you get Professor Dumbledore? I need to speak with him." She watched as Ron nodded slowly. He was gone and so Hermione called Madam Pompfrey in.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Am I allowed to leave?"

The Mediwitch looked shocked. "No, Miss Granger, you can't leave for another couple of days. The potions will take at least that long to full work their magic."

"If I get up and walk out right now, can I hurt myself anymore?" She swung her legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the sharp pain in her side that came with the sudden movement.

"Well no, but it will be very painful."

"Good. I'll be leaving then, after I speak with Professor Dumbledore."

* * *

Hermione wasn't surprised when she was questioned by multiple people about what she was doing. In fact, she was almost surprised when Harry _didn't_ come and talk to her at first. After she had discharged herself from the hospital Hermione had spent all of her time in the library, looking for answers, spells – really anything that she thought would help her. It was there that Harry found her, the day after the end of year feast.

"Hermione?"

"You're not going to talk me out of this, Harry." She rolled up her parchment and tied it with a piece of blue ribbon.

Harry sighed, holding up his hands in defeat. "I wasn't going to. I just want to know what is going on. Everyone's worried about you. They didn't think you and Sirius were close..."

"They didn't think I was capable of loving him," Hermione snapped.

Harry sat down with a shrug. "I don't know about that. But please, let me know what's going on? Even if it's in code?" Harry pleaded. When he got no response, he continued, "Look, Hermione, I know you loved him, and not like I did. And if anyone can bring him back, it's you. But you're sixteen and my best friend. I don't know who else I can lose. I'm tired of losing."

Hermione looked at Harry – truly looked at him. She noticed the deep circles and the bloodshot eyes, the skin that looked dull and very tired. But mostly she noticed the expression in his eyes. He was dead serious and pleading with her. She could see just how much Sirius' death had affected him. If anyone deserved to know, it was Harry.

"I'm going after Wormtail."

"Why?"

"The Veil... I've been doing some research on it. Apparently it has a sort of... holding cell for those who have died while the truth has not been publicly found." She pulled one of the open books from her stack and pointed to a passage. "This says that if you can avenge the death, avenge the injustice, they will reappear."

"So you're going to find and kill Pettigrew?"

"Don't be silly, Harry," Hermione said calmly, not blinking. "I'm going to personally kill him."

Harry shook his head, as if to rid it of a bad thought. His eyes had grown wide. "Kill him?"

"Technically, I can't be the one to kill him. He has to have a trial or at least a hearing... but I can deliver him to the dementors – I can seal his fate. If it works like it is suppose to, Sirius should reappear in the Department of Mysteries within a short amount of time after the truth has been discovered."

"Will he have changed?" Hermione noticed Harry's avoidance of her gaze. Did he not want Sirius to change? For him to be happy?

"He'll lose most of his memories of Azkaban and possibly a few of his time out. The book didn't expect anyone to break out of Azkaban, did they?" Hermione asked, more to herself than anyone else. "And, as far as I can tell, if my research is correct..."

"And it always is," Harry interrupted her.

"He's going to grow younger. I'm not sure how much. It could be anywhere from just the time he was in the Veil all the way to how long he was incorrectly accused."

"You mean Sirius could come out of the veil only a few years older than you or I?"

Hermione sighed. She had thought about this part too much for her own good. If Sirius came out of the Veil as young as when he entered Azkaban he would been 21, making the age difference shrink to five years, something quite manageable. But did Hermione want that? Did she want Sirius to have all those years erased? What would it be like for Harry? "Yes, I supposes he could." For the first time since Sirius died, passed into the Veil, whatever you chose to call it, Hermione considered her best friends' feelings. "What would you think about that?"

Harry shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Hermione." He patted her hand. "I know how much Sirius means to you. He means more than he means to me..."

"No, it's not more," Hermione interrupted.

"Maybe it's not more. But it's different. I love Sirius because he's my godfather and a link to my parents. Professor Lupin... Remus... he loves Sirius as a brother. But you..." Harry seemed so unsure of what he was saying. "My mother's love saved me. I think your love saved Sirius."

"Will save him. He's gone right now," Hermione reminded him. She took a deep breath, focusing once more. "So what would you think?"

"I honestly think it would make life a whole lot easier for you. And that... that should be enough for me."

"But it's not?"

"No. I don't want to share him. And I certainly don't want to explain how a guy only five or six years older than I am is my godfather." Harry chuckled. "I can just see it now."

Hermione nodded. "My parents are in the Black family castle in Slovakia. I'll start out there for a few weeks. You can owl me there." She offered him a small smile. "We've done scarier things than this. I'll be fine."

"Be careful."

"I will do my best."

* * *

**Author's Note: And there you are, the end of part 1! Part 2 will be coming as soon as I can humanly write it. Thanks everyone for reading along the line! I appreciate all the reviews, comments, favorites and follows. **

**Best, Ann**


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